Monday, May 31, 2010

The Room

Sometimes, I miss awesome things when they happen. I'm English, so I'm not exactly on the buzzer of the US, where most of the relevant cultural/memeable things occur, so every now and again I'll think I've discovered something cool when it's old meme over there. However, The Room is just so good that even if you have lol'd at it before, even a recap should be welcome. This may even be better than Troll 2.

"Oh high Mark"
"Oh I'm just sitting up here thinking"
"Yeah...maybe you're right...maybe I have one already..."
"It seems to me like you're the exxxxxpert Mark"


Friday, May 28, 2010

Chick Tats

So recently, at every party I go to, some painfully mainstream girl comes up to me having noticed my tats, gleefully shows me her butterfly/flower/something ghey, and instigates some kina conversation where she will say the following, in no particular order:

1. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would
2. I want to get another, they're like, sooooo addictive
3. I think it's really important that it's something that like, "means something", ya know?

And then, she explains in painfully forced detail that hers is about either:

1. Her ability to overcome all challenges
2. Family/Friendship
3. Believing in yourself/not giving up
4. Her dead dog/sibling/parent/friend

going on in excrutiating detail about said meaning, and explaining the pure bullshit behind such a generic ghey image. Then she asks me about what mine "mean" with wide expectant eyes, at which point I normally chuckle, shrug, and say, "uhh, well I got that one in Finland once this time when I was drunk at this party from some other drunk guy with a needle and some ink, that one was just something my brother drew, thats a band I like, thats a charactor from a video game I thought was cool.......etc)

Now she looks taken aback, and will say something along the lines of "but what if you don't like "video games/those bands/the Finnish when you're older". And I'm like, "whevs, I probably will. In the unlikely event I change massively I'll have a reminder of how awesome I used to be". Then she'll try and agree with me, and say it's cos I'm "care free" or some bullshit, cos she dosen't want to look square.

TBH I prefer the people that come straight for the jugular with "lol, u'll regret ur piercings and tats! Enjoy not getting a job lolololol!!!" than the slimey, "look, I'm just like you, let me lecture you on meaning".

Look, I don't mind you having meaning, just don't think I care, and don't fucking try and force a meaning if you want ink but are scared of saying "I just wanted it" or "thought it looked cool" when people ask. That would at least make you look like less of a pretantious prude when you do.

Firstly, you're limiting what you're gonna get if you're so obsessed with meaning. It's kina hard to find a logical personal rational further than "looks sick" behind something as awesome as this:

But it's a great piece of artwork nevertheless, and has kind of transcended some shakey definition of "meaning". By limiting yourself to something with "meaning" you end up just getting something really vague, and normally very similar to every other annoying student chick with her first tat.

Secondly, your life just isn't that meaningful, at least not to the degree that would justify perminatly marking yourself. Don't try and pretend it is, and don't use this as a reason to justify getting something, especially when the real reason is you just wanted to try it. Don't be ashamed, just do it, and don't feel the need to coat it in bullshit in case someone calls you out on it later.

This isn't meant as some kind of "more alt than thou" snobbery, it's more just an annoyance at a habbit. Pretty sure more student girls do than don't have ink now, or at least a very significant proportion. Just wish they weren't all the same, or that they actually went past the one-generic-object phase.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Hope the last one's a troll...Love it when fat/ugly nerds who think they're clever get worked up (via most ppl on the internet)


So (Plot Spoiler), it turned out that Dio dies, thus promting lots of rightly deserved tributes all over the bloggesphere, as one would expect. Although I don't really care, I can understand that feelings are running high.

So I guess it's kina sucky that The Westburo Baptist (check out their rather advanced new layout!) church have decided to picket his funeral.

Also very predictably, is the standard explosion of "hur, if they mess with us then thing'll get messy hurrr!", as well as standard "this is what religion does derp!!" internet atheism outcries from the community galore.

My surprise is...why does anyone care? I mean, Westburo Baptist Church is fucking old meme, they've been made fun of, they've been hated, and they've not actually done anything other than be a mild annoyance for years now, and the internet has been chiding them all the way through. Hating them for this is like making fun of black metal.

Objectively this isn't even the most offensive thing they've ever done, seeing as they've done the same thing at US soldiers funerals, and towards post tidal wave New Orleans, which were IMO way more tragic than Dio's death. Still, the metalhead "shit, someone's attacking us, lets mobilize and talk online about how we're gonna kick someones ass!" mentality comes into play and suddenly we're so special.

Just let it go, and fuck them and their religious fevor. They probably have really shitty lives, just let them do their dumb picketing. They obviously love the attention we're giving them, and I doubt anyone's actually gonna get at them (via metal fans being nerdy pussys irl). They'll die off eventually, just don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they effected anything.

Dio's Widow seems to have the right idea.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Friday zaster: Fail Mountain

This friday involved a myriad of poor life choices from yours truly, starting with drinking vodka while studying in the morning before an exam. What started as a mere swig to simply "take the edge off", grew steadily into many swigs to tackle many edges, and before I knew it, I was DGAF'ing instead of studying, and live-tweeting said downfall.

The exam went pretty poorly, as one may expect, at one point I tried to make myself puke by fingering my throat so I could get out and maybe be able to do it again in a more capable state, but it lead to nothing other than a sharp retching noise, causing some slight attention and embarressment, so I just put my head down and tried my best to regurgitate some kind of knowledge onto the page.

Luckily it was just some bullshit module with little credit worth, so if you were gonna be drunk for any it would be that one, which was lucky. But as most of my uni friends reminded me, apart from my azn, who just giggled, drinking and exams is never good.

After the exam I happened upon a few scene friends I'd not hung out with for a while, and continued to get fucked up in canal street, Manchester's "gay quarter", as the majority of our little group of alts happened ghey/les. It turned into a surprisingly decent day, I made new friends, got drinks bought for me [via Rich(er) Girls] and managed to safely pass out in my bed at 9pm sharp, giving me plenty of time to get my system/head clean for revision the next day.

Also learnt during my travels that one of the scene bros was some kind of minor scene youtube celeb (3006 subs :/), which was kina amusing, via silly pointless vids of ugly English people.

5 unabridged minutes of morbidly obese classless British scene fail: courtesy of "Chloe Carnage"

You don't even know meeeeee!

Also included was the obligatory "stop judgeing us!" video that all internet alts have to have, after getting butthurt when someone calls them gay. Kina redundant, especially seeing as how the internet is just pretty much a big room that you walk into and everyone calls you a fag.

Anyway, apparently the dudes kina embarressed about it now, and dosn't make them, so I might, if I get a chance, try and convince him to start again (via sucking up) just for the hell of it :/. If anything it should produce some more potential lolfests. I ran into him once before very briefly via a mutual friend, and he seemed decent enough, if not a little camp. One of those people who can't really speak without making wild arm movements.

Anyway, speaking of internet things you later regret when you get older, I appear to have found the alt Mclovin on myspace. Amusingly enough it was through a picture comment his girlfriend left on JT Lloyds myspace, saying she was jelous of his girlfriend.

Gross hair? Pre-pubescant mustache? Sideways Piece sign? Hat Tilt? Damn son! You're livin' the dream!

There are too many awesome pics of this wonderful little wigger to choose just one, but anyway, here are some of the best. It's like this guy is a one man edition of Wigged and Confused.

we are all very impressed with your collection of shitty $100 guitars. And your doubel chin pose.

Nomatter how hard they try, some people can never get past the "nerdarms", and that awkward way they hang slightly forward

This'll show her!!! lololol, with the caption "You know who you are".

Everything becomes clear.

Love how myspace is now a pool of dumb poor, often OTW teenagers now. It's like, everyone else left to go to facebook, and now it's been condensed into some kind of internet equivalent of Australia, where all the reprobates and undesirables get shipped off too.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Tumblr is Rectal Anarchy

I have a tumblr now. Guess this means I can slowly forcefeed my massive folders of internet pictures and sick/funny shit back into the internet like a giant sewage plant.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dani's Pokemon Years

As innocent as this song sounds, I suspect that "microphone", may be a euphomism for something far more unbecomming.

For a while I've faced disbelief/adversity for wanteing to eff Dani over the other 2 Millionaires, with her gigantic forehead and lack of the valuable Japanese geneology that the other 2 so proudly posess.

And indeed, while she she may posess that effable "four finger forehead", and husky tomboyish voice, which is especially bonerworthy whenever she uses the word "boyyyyyyyy", it's hard to keep up the feelin' when pictures like this exist:

It's always horrifying when you see a chick you crush on looking like some kind of bizarre chubby frog thing, staring into a webcam with an expression that can only be described as "chommer"

However, I guess we all have bad days/photos, and my faith is always restored on returning to her final fantasy/pokemon days:

Wish she still looked like this. Sucks how chicks always seem to go through many different "phases", of scene, before "growing up", and ultimately becomming boring/mainstream. I guess this is further evidence of me being some kind of (still pretty young, I think the Millionaires are older than me?) manchild, who just needs to "grow the fuck up". Still, if enough people stay as pokemon, then maybe, less will become boring no fun club hipsters when they hit 21, and be more down to get crunk and non ironically blast FTSKs and Amy Can Flyy while downing jagerbombs, instead of sipping cider while discussing films and their ill informed feeble grasp on politics.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Hilarious Scene Face of the week

Mark: This Romantic Tragedy

As Sargent D once said, sometimes scene hair = putting lipstick on a pig