Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Jodie Marshe's anal demon tail tattoo....

This is why i prefer to date European chicks....

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Some doozies from my youtube

Exams still be a bitch, and I'm in a total state of cba right now, but whevs.

Displacement activity of the moment was getting a twitter account, which has proved to be surprisingly addictive, seeing as it's pretty much just facebook with nothing but a status. Anyway, it's already proved to be worth it's weight in gold, allowing me to see pictures of Hatebreed's Jamey Jasta at the dentist. ("Hey, dentist, can you just stop what you're doing and photo me, it's for my twitter! Oh, did you know I'm the singer of Hatebreed!?"). Actually, the whole idea of people like Jasta doing normal things like the dentist strikes me as rather bizarre. I guess that's part of the whole "celebrity" thang that makes me interested in watching him at the dentist, if for the general surreality if nothing else. I'd love to see all my favorite members of hardcore bands at the dentist, because that's the kind of thing twitter is all about! Actually, everyone except S.O.D's Dan Lilker. Those strange tiny baby teeth freak me out.

Anyway, I'm on motherfucking twitter!, so follow the shit out of me, so I can tell my friends that I'm "Big In America".

Sleep pattern mega fucked too, after staying up till five last night shooting the shit with yeahyouknowit, keut NYC sceneybopper, contributor to SYWH, and all round general blog BFF! You should follow her on twitter too, cos shes hyperchill (and kina creepy in an awesome way ;) ) - N.B. fuck, how are you meant to close brackets after an emoticon?!

Anyways, this general getting deeper into the murky world of the internet led me to return to my youtube and bring it up to speed with my 2k10 personal brand, and in doing so relive a few pro awesome memories that I'd kina like to share with you.

Firstly, here is my German teacher's dog playing "In The Arm's of Perdition" by Despised Icon in my kitchen. This is why you should never let any alt kid look after your pet, for he WILL make it cover deathcore drums.

Poor old Charlie spends the majority of the time trying not to fall asleep, and captures perfectly that common dog expression of "I'm not sure what's going on here, but here I am..."

"What is this I don't even...!"

Anyways, it's kina long, but check out, if anything, the "GO!" at the beginning, and the sheer confusion on Charlie's face during the end breakdown. I wish it weren't so, but this is actually not the first time scene kids have made helpless animals suffer our terrible music.

Another pretty sick vid was this compilation I made of all the best moments from pornstar Evan Stone's depiction of "Captain Edward Reynolds", from the film "Pirates XXX" (Incidentally, the most expensive porn flick ever made, until the sequel, Pirates II: Stagnetti's revenge). The film is pretty much a total lolfest throughout, thanks mainly to Evan Stone's fantastic overacting, next to the stony faced, glazed over delivery of everyone else. It's unintentionally become a great bro-film that you watch with bros together, and Evan stone is a complete hero/legend to quite a few of my friends now. I think his biggest talent is the ability to put a "y", in almost any word, making it sound fever pitch smug. i.e "Cyock", "Cyanons", "Pyyyirates".

"Evil dosen't stand a chance against these twin hellfire cyyyyanons!"

And finally to top it of, one of my drunk metalhead friends dancing to brokeNCYDE at Wacken. I love it when people get it, and this guy totally got it :) <33333 the way, yes, that is me singing along...

Monday, January 25, 2010

Pig Destroyer: Grindcore is Love

I know most of the time most coverage of things on blogs and magazines and sites comes down to slating stuff, and at best, affectionate mockery, but some things are, to me, just beyond fucking with. Case in point, Pig-Fucking-Destroyer.

I love this band with passion way beyond ever fucking with them in the slightest, not that I believe they even have anything that can be fucked with. They are just all round tight as fuck.

While most bands write about silly shit like how little they understand science and how jealous they are of their ex's boyfriend, Pig Destroyer write poetry grade lyrics about life and love and generally get how fucked up you feel down to a tee.

So anyway, peep my essay-like piece for reverse current on pig destroyer and their depiction of love, and while you're there check the awesome new Reverse Current Layout!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Thy Art is Murder: Natural Speakers

Further to my previous post hocking TAIM, I did a similar one on Reverse Current the other day, featuring the most redundant studio report ever, with possibly the most incredible display of charm and charisma ever seen from a death metal band. In this report, "Graz and Sean" tell us that it's "straight errrrrrrrr, pretty evil".

Like all good speechmakers, they begin by lighting the mood with a joke. The old "oh hi!, didn't see you there!" used by children's TV presenters the world over. Sean is pleased with himself for this, and makes a strange self satisfyed squirming motion, accentuated by a bizarre nod at nothing....

...Before settling into a shit eating grin...

While Graz picks up the pace with his trademark captivating speech voice, already known as the "Obama of Australian deathcore".

I think after Sean says that he plays guitar though he triggers some kind of repressed childhood memory, as he pulls the most evil creepy stare ever, where he looks somewhere between crying and strangling his girlfriend...

He holds this eye contact with the camera for an unsettling amount of time, which gets pretty unnerving after a while.

At about 0:30, Graz makes the mistake of letting Sean speak again, resulting in him dying in the room...

"...and its errrrrr, pretty much just, errrrrr straight up heavy, fast, and errrm, pretty, err, pretty evil"

Graz once again swoops in to save him with his Australian charms, while Sean pauses to think about what he's done...

Unfortunately, not even his best efforts can last in more that 5 seconds of monotonous monosylabic expression, and he soon dies as well, leaving them both with nothing to do but go and escape to the world of Pro Tools...

Well I don't know about you, but that's got me really looking forward to the album!!!!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Teen Hearts singer gets pissy, Bro status revoked untill further notice

As you may know if you follow LATFH, you will have noticed that Kelly, the thick rimmed glasses wearing nerd-hipster thing, has recently made a massive cunt of himself, a la Don Campan on Metal Inquisition, by getting all butthurt about the slightest bit of mockery.

If you don't know Teen Hearts, they play a kind of rather bland innofensive brand of screamo crunk type fair, most likely due to them being more indie hipster than scene kid, and thus trying to be like brokeNCYDE falls kina flat. They arn't paticularly great, ok i guess, but nothing worth getting mega crunk too. Maybe track 3 or 4 on a "Pre-gaming crunk hits" mix CD. Their big thing was they once supported that preening narcissist Jeffery Star at some point.

Matt looks like a total bro, and I'd totally get with Charity if she didn't mind me not being a hipster fgt, but Kelly and Max can fuck right off

What gets me is how seemingly unprepared he was for what was a slight amount of not even that overtly negative mocking. All it was was the embedded video with “We’re basically an adult contemporary version of Brokencyde.”, as the caption, yet thick rims McFucknuts see's this as deeply offensive. I don't get how as an autotuned pop punk band you can go fucking anywhere without being mocked and laughed at round every corner. I mean the world fucking hates it! Yet Kelly seems to have eluded the thick skin everyone else has developed.

Spanky from DDC wouldn't have anything to sing about if it wasn't for the "haters", and ask brokeNCYDE and they'll tell you they couldn't care less, in one way or another. Awesome quote from Mikl when I interviewed them ages ago "It's not that hard to go somewhere else". Crunkcore seems to pretty much revel in the attention of the "haters", almost to the extent where it's like a seal of authenticity. One of the main themes in pretty much everyone's songs from Millionaires to Hollywood Undead is, "Hate on us all you want, we don't give a shit cos we're having fun". Yet Kelly's gone and fucked with the program, and gone and whined like a little bitch.

Also, even though "faggot" has long since been de-classified to generic insult and has no real homophobic stigma, his use of the word Nigger seems kina tasteless. Probably a racist, lets pretend he is so he becomes a more ideal hate figure. A lot of these middle class hipster types are anyway, so it figures. Kina nicely brings me onto an old classic youtube video, which me and a friend recently re-discovered and thought was lol-worthy enough to post.

Kelly's existance is a strong argument for this guy's stance

Found this other video too that goes with it, where some people shout at each other and no agreement is reached, kina seems to be what always ends up happening on American news programmes. You guys seem to have lost the whole "objective relaying of information", thing.

Fox News: Gaining a better understanding of the world's problems by shouting at them.

Of course this is a world away from the sedate, soft spoken news in the UK, where the most emotion we've ever been exposed to is Trevor McDonald's slight hint of a smile, on signing off after his half century career in the news, only to sit depressingly in solitude.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Let it Snow: lolengland, and The Acacia Stain providing epic moments

I was recently hanging out with some bros, sitting on a sofa curled up so my stomach was all folded like a pillow, and my tight All Shall Perish T Shirt had ridden up to a degree where a slight amount of flesh was visable, when one of my friends peeped me and said, "hey, have you put on a little weight over the last year? Sure you used to be skinnier". At that very moment, a terrible, life altering, quite frankly momentous realization hit me. The past year of student diet, general complacency, and exam pre-occupation had made one of my greatest fears become reality; and at that moment, I became a male scene balloon............

With this incredible realization, I knew I had to start running again on the regular, and eating less, to regain the definition I once had, or consign myself to an eventual fate as a Tank.

If you're English, you will have noticed that recently it's been snowy as shit, causing our ill-prepared infrastructure to have all kinds of problems, and society in general to begin to decay like that Jericho show or something, as well as the news having been transformed into a collection of aerial shots of snow, interspersed with the odd old person complaining about slipping over or something.

So anyway, the other day I took to the canal near my house for a run, which had been transformed into a beautiful frozen winter wonderland, with the new Acacia Strain, Continent, on my mp3 player. Midway through, when I was in the fucking zone, and listing to the awesome "JFC" (Jesus Fucking Christ), I felt baddass as anything, powering throught the snow growling "I AM THE END OF THE WORLD!!!" like it was a montage in the hardcore version of Rocky or something. This feeling of hardcore inspired baddassery only built, untill the awesome instrumental "The Behemoth" at the end of the album made me have to pause, check the path both ways, forwards and back, and then start throwing down, mid run...

Only now, upon reflection, being no longer "in the fucking zone", can i begin to imagine how hilarious I looked. Imagine watching a jogger suddenly stop, make sure there's no one about, and suddenly out of the blue start windmilling and throwing moves.......fuck!

Anyway, all the snow's just begun to melt, leading to puddles and mud and shit all over my winter wonderland, which was a bitch when I walked my dog this morning, cos I'd only just cleaned my high-tops!

Studying like a motherfucker as planned, and listening purely to Emmure and The Acacia Strain for inspiration. Also started a new game on Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, which I forgot how awesome it was. This time I'll be sure to collect all the gems and relics, as I never had the patience/methodical boringness to do so when I was 10 or whatever.

As for yeahyouknowit's inquiry to my baldness and its general incompatibility =/= with scene aesthetic, I find that it depends on how I'm dressing. Sometimes I find I look like some kina "NYHC" type bro, or token wigger in deathcore bands

However, it's when I'm dressing slightly more flamboyant [via hightops, silly bright coloured t shirts et al] that thing get a little bit more interesting. I kina look a bit like this guy I saw in some alt porn the other day:

I guess I'll have to wait until after the exams before I can gauge a decent reaction when I start going out again. [via macking on local Manchester scene chicks]

Has anyone else ever begun hxc dancing in the middle of a completely unrelated activity?
Anyone want to recomend me some good jamz for running/working out in general? (anything goes)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

New year, New approach

One of my Manchester student friends, recently, upon learning about my new skin hairway, posted the following on my facebook with a link to this tune by up-and-coming UK grime artist "Devlin":

"Now that you're bald, this wigger is like youu!

When are you back in manc? x"

I used to date a girl who lived in a place like this, pretty accurately conveys the vibe of, "fuck, I can feel my soul dying..."

Had to admit I was rather taken aback by the condemnation of wiggerdom on some dude simply for being white and rapping. He seems like a reasonably down to earth kina bro, and beyond the odd hand gesture, nothing really to sound the wigger alarm on. And the style's pretty quintessentially British, the dude doesn't really seem to be under any pretenses. Plus he captures a really genuinely English feel, added to by the further Jam; "London City":

"Blood, Sweat and Beers!"

So I had to grant him "notawigger", and put down my friends claim down to poor education on what a wigger is, and general middle class snobbery at chavy grime artists. So I refuted her claim, and instead linked her to that infamous Winds of Plague video (I've already spammed the hell out of "Day of Mourning" over FB), reminding her whats up.

In a way metal wiggers are "purer" than rap wiggers, in that there is in general next to no black influence in the scene anyway, making it pretty much a complete anomaly no one saw comming. At least rap is heavily black anyway, so you can kina make allowances for white dudes acting "black".

When it comes to metal/slam wiggers, no one goes further than the critically acclaimed Newyorkment. If you need further reminding on the way things are, look no further than this educational video featuring the wigger slam visionaries, on why metal that isn't slam is totally ghey.

I agree, most old skool shit does suck balls!

Also, if you haven't already, peep their myspace, which is absolutely fucking hilarious.

Anyhow, back to the subject of Grime, if Devlin puts a face on London, closer to home I got M16 reppin' Manchester. M16 is the area code for Moss Side, one of the more notorious areas. Much like how 3OH!3 are named after the phone area code or something of where they're from, this group would appear to be grimes answer to the 3OH!3. Oh, and they also look about 12.

Often, when asked to describe Manchester, I refer to it as "Like London, but without the good bits"

Manchester's also now apparently the most dangerous city in England, with like the highest gun and knife crime. Also, factoring in the population, it has a higher rate of burglary than Baltimore.

So there you go, Grime, and how grim Manchester can be...

Managed to get "In the Zone", for the January exams. Shut out all my friends, even London chick, despite things no longer being as "south", as in my last post. Shes dropping out of uni there now anyway, so glad as fuck that shes moving back up North again. She was living in one of the most soul destroying grimy places you can imagine also pretty accurately portrayed in the community outcast video, I'm surprised a rich little maltstream girl even lasted as long as she did.

Grime and Donk seem to be a good fertile new place to take this blog, now that I'm shit bored of the much used scene/crunkcore/deathcore approach. At least now it's something closer to home. Living next to Longsight, an equally notorious area of Manchester, I could even see if I can give some kind of interactive window into the world of English grime. Oh, and one of the gangs is called the Gooch Close Gang. LOL

Friday, January 08, 2010

New year and Classifying the hxc pit

New year and did y'all make any keut new resolutions? I cba'd with all that, but I did rather spontaneously shave my head for jokes on New Years Day. No real reason, guess I was kind of bored with hair. Anyway, now I've pretty much tried every single length of hair within the scope of being an alt post-adolescent male. Yet to gauge a social reaction yet, due to it being exam period once again, and I'm shut in being lonely. Although this does mean I'll prolly post more, after my half month hiatus, in which I was chillin' with family/friends/small dogs, and doin' stuff for Reverse Current. Tryna get in "the zone" where I do nothing but study like a motherfucker, although somewhat fucked that up last night by hanging out with some friends in my frount room and lighting a swell fire, reflecting on life and being "deep". Shits also gone totally south with my London chick atm, so at least I won't have that distracting me now. Hopefully this year I'll find some fresh new maltstream chick to go retarded over. Yeah, that's my new years resolution. Go malt-tarded again.

Anyhow, due to having a wide neck, I now resemble a thumb, and actually look quite genuinely like serious business with my new found lack of hair. I imagine that my public perception will go from the "chill fun crunk dude", due to my old blonde streaked fringecut:

To threatening creepy deathmetal skinhead dude:

Due to the general incompatibility of screamo crunk and being a "skin", I imagine most people will now downplay that side of me, and probably socially re-employ me as token tough grimy guy.

Another reason I haven't blogged for a while is that nothing really seems that interesting anymore in the "scene". Shits got all stagnated and everything remains pretty done before and embarrassingly lacking in self awareness. Technical shits got too nerdy and boring, Deathcores too slow and not technical enough, and Screamo Crunks kina going to shit [via getting too popular and becoming a "parody of itself"]. I guess I'm just sitting tight until the world gets hit by
"deathcore 2.0", or alternatively "crunkcore 2.0". Due to the helical nature of subculture I imagine there could be a massive resurgence of something resembling "true" metal attitude more closely, but hey, who knows, till them I'm gonna get out and jam Rap again (no more annoying white kids).

Emmure came to Manchester recently, which led to a wonderful gathering of post entry level hxc wiggers, and people having aggressive conversations almost always culminating in " shouldn't have been in the pit then if...". I was overjoyed when a friend (some entry level chick there for Caliban), said that they were like everything I am in band form, a great compliment seeing as I'm not even from Connecticut! Also noticed several subclasses in hardcore dancer while I was there.

Most amusing was the "Tank", a ginormous fat dude who stands in the middle like an island and moves his arms round in a roughly 1/8 speed windmill. Due to his size and general air, others generally avoid him, giving him ample girth in the middle to complete his curious slow rotations. I imagine that if you were hit by one of those things it would be an experience akin to having your car slowly barged by a large truck.

He's calm now, but at some point tonight when Samantha and Miranda stop distracting him, he'll start swinging, and when he does, fucking move!

Next we have the "default" option, the generic mosh warrior. A veteran of many shows, he does it all, even the surprisingly high kicks. He even thinks he's invented a few moves, and probably practices at home every morning. Usually instigates shit, which is always helpful, and approaches the hall with his crew and an attitute to "tear shit up"! They also seem to often curiously enter pits with a backpack, which seems silly if it contains anything. The aggressive ones pause to gauge your reaction if they hit you, and if you make any move to react, will square off to you, and a situation culminating in the familiar " shouldn't have been in the pit then if...", will ensue.

Here some fledgeling warriors giving up some valuable secrets of the trade. Keep it up boys!

The "fgt" generally waits at the side like a pleb, and being too small/intimidated/female, usually isn't really sure what to do, so generally makes a few awkward movements and draws attention with their embarrassing self awareness. Doesn't do much if you hit them, other than retreating slightly back into their tight knit knot of small kids huddled at the side. May gain confidence if the energy level dwindles, and maybe even transcend the group.

Occasionally, a fgt will think "fuck this shit" and fucking let rip with the rest, becoming a nublet. Essentially cannon fodder that gets decked by the warriors, but still has fun and comes out feeling tough and full of relevance and self worth. If they keep it up they may even transcend the ranks from fgt - nublet - warrior, and them later maybe even tank if they eat enough.

So yeah, thems your main 4.

A hapless Indian tries to swim away as he is dragged under a tank: A warning of what happens if you get too close.