Summer Job :/

To "fundraise" for my upcoming trip to the US of fuckin' A so I can catch the warped tour with the rest of the SYWH crew, I am working this manual labour job with some contract gardeners. Because it is summer, this means mowing, and mowing and mowing, and doing all in my power, backed with a potent arsenal of hardcore garden tools, to prevent the growth of mother nature. Lucky, mother nature is pretty much shit-out right now, because the northwest is about to officially go into "drought" mode, enforce a housepipe ban, and generally let all the grass burn to death. This is good news however, because burnt grass dosn't need mowing, and I get to spend more time sleeping in a smelly van with two foulmouthed contractors who pretty much exist in order to oggle summer girls, via builder stereotypes. Luckily, they are also pretty averse to work too, so we generally just cut corners in order to spend max time sleeping in the van or any available comfy patch of grass. I think I fit in ok because of my mums "peasant blood" or something.

Still, having to start work at 7:30 is fucking rough, as is spending every night in the knowledge that you have to go to bed at a reasonable time. Life as a normal working person is pretty grim :/, its like, all of a sudden, boom!! there go 5 of my seven precious weekly nights :( fuck that!

Its cool though when there are keut doggys in Gardens im mowing:


Especially when they steal someone else's tuna sandwich:

Imminant builder rage...

I also came to the conclusion today on the drive home listening to Good Charlotte on the radio that "Girls and Boys" was written by an extremely embittered Joel Madden after some rich college kid stole some chick he was after. Fuckin' pop punk fgts.

The Past Week In Images

It was my birthday, times were good, SYWH honored the occation, I ate pizza, watched die hard, drank mango vodka, and things were generally good :)

Also went to Alton Towers, a popular UK theme park, with my brother and his girlfriend for the occation too over the weekend. This was ok, the rides were cool and all things considered it wasn't that expensive, but since I last went it seems to have been overcome by poor people and chavs. Seems like the middle classes may have "moved out". Also pretty sure i ran into "Die Antwoort" in the line for Hex, it was very dark though, so couldn't get a photo.

Chick with a fucking mullet!

Bus back was kina a nightmare too, and seemed to have been overrun by the cast of skins, give or take a few years.


Kids these days are fucking annoying. Had to violently push one little fucker in a que to stop him jostling my bros gf.

New year, New approach

One of my Manchester student friends, recently, upon learning about my new skin hairway, posted the following on my facebook with a link to this tune by up-and-coming UK grime artist "Devlin":

"Now that you're bald, this wigger is like youu! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L4iH89tjAM

When are you back in manc? x"

I used to date a girl who lived in a place like this, pretty accurately conveys the vibe of, "fuck, I can feel my soul dying..."

Had to admit I was rather taken aback by the condemnation of wiggerdom on some dude simply for being white and rapping. He seems like a reasonably down to earth kina bro, and beyond the odd hand gesture, nothing really to sound the wigger alarm on. And the style's pretty quintessentially British, the dude doesn't really seem to be under any pretenses. Plus he captures a really genuinely English feel, added to by the further Jam; "London City":

"Blood, Sweat and Beers!"

So I had to grant him "notawigger", and put down my friends claim down to poor education on what a wigger is, and general middle class snobbery at chavy grime artists. So I refuted her claim, and instead linked her to that infamous Winds of Plague video (I've already spammed the hell out of "Day of Mourning" over FB), reminding her whats up.

In a way metal wiggers are "purer" than rap wiggers, in that there is in general next to no black influence in the scene anyway, making it pretty much a complete anomaly no one saw comming. At least rap is heavily black anyway, so you can kina make allowances for white dudes acting "black".

When it comes to metal/slam wiggers, no one goes further than the critically acclaimed Newyorkment. If you need further reminding on the way things are, look no further than this educational video featuring the wigger slam visionaries, on why metal that isn't slam is totally ghey.

I agree, most old skool shit does suck balls!

Also, if you haven't already, peep their myspace, which is absolutely fucking hilarious.

Anyhow, back to the subject of Grime, if Devlin puts a face on London, closer to home I got M16 reppin' Manchester. M16 is the area code for Moss Side, one of the more notorious areas. Much like how 3OH!3 are named after the phone area code or something of where they're from, this group would appear to be grimes answer to the 3OH!3. Oh, and they also look about 12.

Often, when asked to describe Manchester, I refer to it as "Like London, but without the good bits"

Manchester's also now apparently the most dangerous city in England, with like the highest gun and knife crime. Also, factoring in the population, it has a higher rate of burglary than Baltimore.

So there you go, Grime, and how grim Manchester can be...

Managed to get "In the Zone", for the January exams. Shut out all my friends, even London chick, despite things no longer being as "south", as in my last post. Shes dropping out of uni there now anyway, so glad as fuck that shes moving back up North again. She was living in one of the most soul destroying grimy places you can imagine also pretty accurately portrayed in the community outcast video, I'm surprised a rich little maltstream girl even lasted as long as she did.

Grime and Donk seem to be a good fertile new place to take this blog, now that I'm shit bored of the much used scene/crunkcore/deathcore approach. At least now it's something closer to home. Living next to Longsight, an equally notorious area of Manchester, I could even see if I can give some kind of interactive window into the world of English grime. Oh, and one of the gangs is called the Gooch Close Gang. LOL

Donk: The Essence of the North West

Recently, in keeping with my North Western heritage, I have begun getting into the music of donk. Although i am not a chav, and my parents are pretty stable, so its not exactly a familiar scene.

If you are not from the north-west of England, I emplore you to now watch this video on the background of donk/chav culture, and get a feel of what the North West is like.



Particular highlights include:

"This is Spanish", Like Waynes World but with chavs.

"Do you want sittin on your fuckin arse?" I've seen this situation waayyy too many times, especially with the good Samaritan guy stepping in at the end "He's not worth it, not now mate, i'm not in the mood, don't touch me"

The "nice but dim bouncer", "If you do not let go of me, I will pop your eye out"

(the word was "co-operative" btw)


This skank. Although you may have seen a couple of maybe kind of attractive girls in the video, i guarentee most will end up looking like this. I recently witnessed an abomination like this hit on one of my friends in a pub, it was a very uncomfortable quarter of an hour.

There are far too many quality moments here containing the essence of the north west, so I find it hard to pinpoint any really, I just think you should watch the whole thing, and soak up the cultural wasteland of the North.

As you can probably guess, I have way more in common with the presenter here than anyone else featured, and find it funny to see him with all these working class northern types. There were probably a good few situations not shown where he got severely bullied and maybe even almost fought by his subjects, that weren't shown, and I have to give the guy mad props for going down Wigan pier, which is like Mordor for middle class kids like me and him. Although he was kind of undercover, in his new get up.

If you come from the north west of England, this video should make you squeal with recognition, as it definitely did me. Otherwise you will just find the strange sketchy working class English guys funny, but not really get it. I now feel like I have a one up on guys from New York or Tampa, even if it is just silly chav music.

On the note of Blackout Crew, I seriously love this group, even if they do look like the kind of people who would mug you/beat you up for having longish hair.
This is my personal fav, even if "put a donk on it" is their most famous track.



On a final note, this girls birthday party in the documentary shows just how classless northern girls are. Even though some may be attractive, the second they open their mouths it's all gone. This is probably why I developed a fascination with German girls, and I would get depressed whenever I came back from there, normally encountering someone like this girl at the airport. Now skip to 6:20, and feel my pain. It is a pain I still feel, and commonly run into at student house parties. Imagine trying to have a romantic moment with someone with that voice. At some point I will try and follow this up by documenting some hideous English girl voices, and post away. Until then, try and hold your puke back as she talks. Extreme example I know, but gives you a taste.