Some doozies from my youtube

Exams still be a bitch, and I'm in a total state of cba right now, but whevs.

Displacement activity of the moment was getting a twitter account, which has proved to be surprisingly addictive, seeing as it's pretty much just facebook with nothing but a status. Anyway, it's already proved to be worth it's weight in gold, allowing me to see pictures of Hatebreed's Jamey Jasta at the dentist. ("Hey, dentist, can you just stop what you're doing and photo me, it's for my twitter! Oh, did you know I'm the singer of Hatebreed!?"). Actually, the whole idea of people like Jasta doing normal things like the dentist strikes me as rather bizarre. I guess that's part of the whole "celebrity" thang that makes me interested in watching him at the dentist, if for the general surreality if nothing else. I'd love to see all my favorite members of hardcore bands at the dentist, because that's the kind of thing twitter is all about! Actually, everyone except S.O.D's Dan Lilker. Those strange tiny baby teeth freak me out.


Anyway, I'm on motherfucking twitter!, so follow the shit out of me, so I can tell my friends that I'm "Big In America".

Sleep pattern mega fucked too, after staying up till five last night shooting the shit with yeahyouknowit, keut NYC sceneybopper, contributor to SYWH, and all round general blog BFF! You should follow her on twitter too, cos shes hyperchill (and kina creepy in an awesome way ;) ) - N.B. fuck, how are you meant to close brackets after an emoticon?!

Anyways, this general getting deeper into the murky world of the internet led me to return to my youtube and bring it up to speed with my 2k10 personal brand, and in doing so relive a few pro awesome memories that I'd kina like to share with you.

Firstly, here is my German teacher's dog playing "In The Arm's of Perdition" by Despised Icon in my kitchen. This is why you should never let any alt kid look after your pet, for he WILL make it cover deathcore drums.



Poor old Charlie spends the majority of the time trying not to fall asleep, and captures perfectly that common dog expression of "I'm not sure what's going on here, but here I am..."

"What is this I don't even...!"

Anyways, it's kina long, but check out, if anything, the "GO!" at the beginning, and the sheer confusion on Charlie's face during the end breakdown. I wish it weren't so, but this is actually not the first time scene kids have made helpless animals suffer our terrible music.

Another pretty sick vid was this compilation I made of all the best moments from pornstar Evan Stone's depiction of "Captain Edward Reynolds", from the film "Pirates XXX" (Incidentally, the most expensive porn flick ever made, until the sequel, Pirates II: Stagnetti's revenge). The film is pretty much a total lolfest throughout, thanks mainly to Evan Stone's fantastic overacting, next to the stony faced, glazed over delivery of everyone else. It's unintentionally become a great bro-film that you watch with bros together, and Evan stone is a complete hero/legend to quite a few of my friends now. I think his biggest talent is the ability to put a "y", in almost any word, making it sound fever pitch smug. i.e "Cyock", "Cyanons", "Pyyyirates".

"Evil dosen't stand a chance against these twin hellfire cyyyyanons!"

And finally to top it of, one of my drunk metalhead friends dancing to brokeNCYDE at Wacken. I love it when people get it, and this guy totally got it :) <33333



...by the way, yes, that is me singing along...

New year and Classifying the hxc pit

New year and did y'all make any keut new resolutions? I cba'd with all that, but I did rather spontaneously shave my head for jokes on New Years Day. No real reason, guess I was kind of bored with hair. Anyway, now I've pretty much tried every single length of hair within the scope of being an alt post-adolescent male. Yet to gauge a social reaction yet, due to it being exam period once again, and I'm shut in being lonely. Although this does mean I'll prolly post more, after my half month hiatus, in which I was chillin' with family/friends/small dogs, and doin' stuff for Reverse Current. Tryna get in "the zone" where I do nothing but study like a motherfucker, although somewhat fucked that up last night by hanging out with some friends in my frount room and lighting a swell fire, reflecting on life and being "deep". Shits also gone totally south with my London chick atm, so at least I won't have that distracting me now. Hopefully this year I'll find some fresh new maltstream chick to go retarded over. Yeah, that's my new years resolution. Go malt-tarded again.

Anyhow, due to having a wide neck, I now resemble a thumb, and actually look quite genuinely like serious business with my new found lack of hair. I imagine that my public perception will go from the "chill fun crunk dude", due to my old blonde streaked fringecut:


To threatening creepy deathmetal skinhead dude:


Due to the general incompatibility of screamo crunk and being a "skin", I imagine most people will now downplay that side of me, and probably socially re-employ me as token tough grimy guy.

Another reason I haven't blogged for a while is that nothing really seems that interesting anymore in the "scene". Shits got all stagnated and everything remains pretty done before and embarrassingly lacking in self awareness. Technical shits got too nerdy and boring, Deathcores too slow and not technical enough, and Screamo Crunks kina going to shit [via getting too popular and becoming a "parody of itself"]. I guess I'm just sitting tight until the world gets hit by
"deathcore 2.0", or alternatively "crunkcore 2.0". Due to the helical nature of subculture I imagine there could be a massive resurgence of something resembling "true" metal attitude more closely, but hey, who knows, till them I'm gonna get out and jam Rap again (no more annoying white kids).

Emmure came to Manchester recently, which led to a wonderful gathering of post entry level hxc wiggers, and people having aggressive conversations almost always culminating in "...you shouldn't have been in the pit then if...". I was overjoyed when a friend (some entry level chick there for Caliban), said that they were like everything I am in band form, a great compliment seeing as I'm not even from Connecticut! Also noticed several subclasses in hardcore dancer while I was there.

Most amusing was the "Tank", a ginormous fat dude who stands in the middle like an island and moves his arms round in a roughly 1/8 speed windmill. Due to his size and general air, others generally avoid him, giving him ample girth in the middle to complete his curious slow rotations. I imagine that if you were hit by one of those things it would be an experience akin to having your car slowly barged by a large truck.

He's calm now, but at some point tonight when Samantha and Miranda stop distracting him, he'll start swinging, and when he does, fucking move!

Next we have the "default" option, the generic mosh warrior. A veteran of many shows, he does it all, even the surprisingly high kicks. He even thinks he's invented a few moves, and probably practices at home every morning. Usually instigates shit, which is always helpful, and approaches the hall with his crew and an attitute to "tear shit up"! They also seem to often curiously enter pits with a backpack, which seems silly if it contains anything. The aggressive ones pause to gauge your reaction if they hit you, and if you make any move to react, will square off to you, and a situation culminating in the familiar "...you shouldn't have been in the pit then if...", will ensue.


Here some fledgeling warriors giving up some valuable secrets of the trade. Keep it up boys!



The "fgt" generally waits at the side like a pleb, and being too small/intimidated/female, usually isn't really sure what to do, so generally makes a few awkward movements and draws attention with their embarrassing self awareness. Doesn't do much if you hit them, other than retreating slightly back into their tight knit knot of small kids huddled at the side. May gain confidence if the energy level dwindles, and maybe even transcend the group.


Occasionally, a fgt will think "fuck this shit" and fucking let rip with the rest, becoming a nublet. Essentially cannon fodder that gets decked by the warriors, but still has fun and comes out feeling tough and full of relevance and self worth. If they keep it up they may even transcend the ranks from fgt - nublet - warrior, and them later maybe even tank if they eat enough.


So yeah, thems your main 4.

A hapless Indian tries to swim away as he is dragged under a tank: A warning of what happens if you get too close.

Set Your Goals covering Lil' Jon

Could this be the most wiggerific song going right now. Me thinks so. Listen to this before you go out and I guarentee you'll be droppin' fools left right and center, and grindin' the finest shorties. As you can see it's from some album called "Punk goes Crunk", also featuring such awesome shizz as Scary Kids Scaring Kids covering Notorious B.I.G, Forever the Sickest Kids covering Men in Black, Lorene Drive playing that sick ass Outkast song, and the Devil Wears Prada song two posts below.

Fights are Cool

As most people are now aware, and has been reported on various blogs over the past week or so, the respective singers from both Emmure and The Acacia Strain recently had a fight backstage at an Emmure gig somewhere in America, resulting in *citation needed* busted noses. Apparently the bands have been at feud since The Acacia Strain accused Emmure of ripping them off or something (which, lets be fair, they kina did a bit, not that I don't like them), then Emmure made "R2 Deepthroat", directed at The Acacia Strain's singer, "Vincent Bennett".



The fallout from this seemingly minor event has led to countless "Emmure vs The Acacia Strain" polls/forum posts, and many more people saying that both suck, violence is bad, yada yada.

"Whatever the case… is it weird that I think this kinda sucks? For me, at least, metal (and hardcore, if you consider TAS or Emmure hardcore) has always provided an outlet for violent and, um, let’s say “socially inappropriate” emotions, so that I won’t get into any actual fights. I’m happy to enjoy the entertainment of two dudes talking some smack on one another, but I’d actually prefer that it remain all talk.

We’ll give you more on the story if we get it. In the meantime, let’s hope this doesn’t end up with any East Coast/West Coast drive-by shenanigans."

- Metal Sucks

"You must not have grown up in the hardcore scene. I was surprised it was just knuckles not a gun."

- Sargent D, taking everyone back to school

"My money’s on the white guy."

"who cares which ones better, as long as you can go to one of their shows and kick the shit out of people, i'm happy."

I Personally agree with the last quote. I also, despite being a fan of both bands, fully support the existence of the fight, and am glad that they have done this to support their tough guy hxc image. Much as I was syked about Will Rahmer from Mortician stabbing a cabbie in Poland, and the video of the guy from Himsa going apeshit on some dude, I love it when metal bands support their image of being badasses, as oppose to just being the nerdy guys the usually are. Just about all other genres ever seem to be more dramatic/eventful/violent than metal, which is quite dissapointing seeing as how metal's meant to be evil or some shit. Reggae festivals are meant to be dark violent places, full of stabbings and theft, wheras metal fests: middle class white kids as far as the eye can see complaining about sun burn.

Sporadic acts of violence like this up the baddass factor for the whole scene, and strangely seem to encourage respect from the wider world as well, as it shows we can "talk the talk". You look better for talking shit and fucking niggas up than just taking shit and being a spoiled white pussy like a wigger with a trust fund.

It could be that we are about to enter into an age where hardcore begins to resemble the early ninties rap scene, with drive-bys and whatnot. The hats are already being worn, and wigger culture is getting deeper and deeper into metal. Looking forward to a shoot out between Carnifex and Suicide Silence, and death metal bands being arrested for drug trafficing, albeit less embarressing than Brain Drill.

Also, the whole black metal thing dosn't count, as it wasn't sporadic violence, which is how true baddasses role, it was just gay metal theatrics taken way too far. No one thought it was cool and hardcore when a dead body was found in Michael Barrymore's pool with "Extreme Sexual Injuries", and black metal is the same. Simply gayness taken too far, in an attempt to prove itself.

Back in Manchester and it's fresher's week, which should mean going out and getting crunk, but had instead meant lying in bed listening to "The Diary" by Hollywood Undead and The Black Brokencyde, missing my girl-who-had-boyfriend-but-now-is-single-and-a-fresher-in-London-and-probably-getting-fucked-by-a-different-guy-every-night. I did half arsedly try to chat someone up at a party the other night, but ended up cba'ing, and then i think some other girl slapped me for some reason. Can't fully remember why. 5 more nights/chances then to live the 2nd/3rd/4th year dream of taking advantage of a "naive innocent" fresher...