Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Black brokeNCYDE: Screamo Crunk, the Zeitgeist

As I have mentioned him before a few times, although never using his actual moniker of N!tro, i thought it was high time to honor the brother with a full post, kind of.

Expert sagging, those sweet checkered vans, post-shutter shade UV protection, and black.....dyaaam!

He's kind of a bit like 3OH!3, but with better production, and more street cred (through being black). He also just did some kina colab with those cunts from dot dot curve or something, and some ugly scene douche called J Bigga.

Scene wiggers actually seem to know genuine black people now, even if they do just act hella white around them.

J Bigga is also known for this video, recently featured on look at this fucking hipster in which he brings a scene element to crazy youtube conspiracy theorist culture.

So anyway, I fuckin jam out N!tro all the time since rapidsharing his album, I would have probably paid, had it been available anywhere but itunes, but it isn't, and apple can smb. Got some pretty terrible/awesome/relatable lyrics too, in a bullshit scene kid kina way, seems to quite accurately convey romance in a kind of alt teen setting, referencing facebook, myspace top friends, txting and all that other passive aggresive bullshit.

Anyway, heres probably his most popular song, and the one which introduced me to the reality of black people being aware of/being scene kids. We all kind of guessed that there must be at least one out there, maybe you even saw one on a google image search when you were bored, but they never seemed truly real, in the same way komodo dragons arn't really "dragons".

Despite being obviously kind of middle class, having more in common with, say, Kanye West than Mobb Deep, the dude still strikes me as a hella mass chill bro. I wish I had more friends like him, or any black friends at all for that matter, at the moment the best i really have are some maltstream* azns, so the idea of a black scene dude really gets me going.

Also, if you step into the photo section of his myspace, you unlock an incredible new world, where many more non-white scene kids come out of no where, and scene is no longer simply the persuit of pale bulimic suburban white kids.

.....and if that didn't turn things around enough for you, in this crazy world of opposites that N!tro seems to be creating from his bedroom, the white scenes are all red puffy, chubby and rather retarded looking creatures, as we see by this monstrosity.

Feels good that screamo crunk could be becoming some kind of subcultural utopia, with an equal racial cross section. This may simply be due to the fact that all scene kids/scene wiggers are pretty middle class, by which black middle class people are also sort of wiggers too, in that they are just as alien to the inside of a Mobb Deep lyrics sleve as white middle class kids, but feel like they have to live up to that image anyway, therefore, racial devide becomes completely meaningless, as everyone works together to chase that golden grail: being truly "street/black". I myself see N!tro as the scene answer to Martin Luther King.

So anyhow, while N!tro may be both making awesome crunk music, and challenging racial steriotypes, all is not good on the screamo crunk front, as i discovered a few mornings ago, checking out myspace, discovering one of the worst abuses of autotune yet: T Mills.

Now, I love autotune vocals, screamo crunk, Attack Attack!, gauged lobes and plenty of other shit, but this guy just seems to be taking it too far, into uncomfortable territory. He is like the practical joke that stops being funny, and ends in a hospital trip, and just like that, he made me have to stop for a second, and seriously re-evaluate my stance on both silly music and life. I am still not 100% on whether he is actually real, or some kind of creature from our collective ids, like a scene pyramid head, telling us what we could become if we arn't careful. He seems too ridiculous to be true, but both myspace and google search suggest otherwise.

So where to begin; despite the fact that the music is terrible, and has non of the flair of brokeNCYDE, 3OH!3 or my new fantasy bromance N!tro, he looks like some kind of Oli Sykes squared monster, with a terrible case of trying-too-hard-not-to-be-a-spoiled-white-pussy-so-gets-a-shit-load-of-body-mods. I myself, embrace my status as spoiled white pussy, it's who I am, and it means i'm probably going to be spending most my life in relative comfort, so fuck anyone who has a problem with it. Wish I had a massive trust fund too. There is not one element of this dude that isn't taken to a ridiculous extreme, its like he went into the "make your own scene kid" on the sims or something, and put everything on full.

I'm also terrifyed as hell to find out what his age is, because if he's younger than me, I will probably have yet another early onset midlife crisis. It also fucked me up to learn that Taylor Swift is younger than me too. As well as that now I can watch porn with chicks that are younger than me, something that has fucked me up for a while. I'm only 20 yet I already feel old and washed up, and full of regret. Needless to say, I kind of envy the guy, having such an easy marketing ploy. I think tryna make it in a death metal band has probably been the wrong option, shitty autotune music is obviously the way to go. It's way easier, a fucking robot practically sings it for you, and scene chicks fucking love the shit out of it. Fuck you T Mills, fuck you. I just hope you're fucking wrinkled, broke and pathetic by the time you're 40 (the ink should hopefully keep you out of most jobs), while I will be wrinkled, rich and pathetic, reeling in the wake of my second marriage, wondering what the fucking point of living on is. Actually, fuck, you'll probably somehow still be happier than me.

Anyway, here's some more N!tro, as mimed by some scene cutie, who's probably young enough to find me creepy. Actually, she kind of looks like this 17 year old chick the singer of my band was banging for a while, despite him being 25 (props bro!).

*MALTSTREAM - a term coined by Hipster Run Off, meaning, mainly mainstream, but with some alternative tenancies, I.E could like some alt music, wear slightly alt clothing, or whatever. Will probably do some kind of post about them laters, as I'm pretty sure Maltstream chicks are the best in every way.


Anonymous said...

Holy shit, what a post!! I was going to do one about N!tro but obviously you said everything there is to be said and then some- nice work!

I hadn't heard of T Mills before but I am going to have to investigate further, he seems like a truly next-level scenebag worth blogging about!

Eyelicker said...

haha, I dare you to put him on metal inquisition.

Imagine the resulting butthurt metalhead rage! Imagine!!!

Anonymous said...

autotune AND Cupping the mic??

Glenn Benton is not impressed.

Eyelicker said...

I think this is well out of Glen Benton's jurisdiction tbh