Dani's Pokemon Years

As innocent as this song sounds, I suspect that "microphone", may be a euphomism for something far more unbecomming.

For a while I've faced disbelief/adversity for wanteing to eff Dani over the other 2 Millionaires, with her gigantic forehead and lack of the valuable Japanese geneology that the other 2 so proudly posess.

And indeed, while she she may posess that effable "four finger forehead", and husky tomboyish voice, which is especially bonerworthy whenever she uses the word "boyyyyyyyy", it's hard to keep up the feelin' when pictures like this exist:

It's always horrifying when you see a chick you crush on looking like some kind of bizarre chubby frog thing, staring into a webcam with an expression that can only be described as "chommer"

However, I guess we all have bad days/photos, and my faith is always restored on returning to her final fantasy/pokemon days:


Wish she still looked like this. Sucks how chicks always seem to go through many different "phases", of scene, before "growing up", and ultimately becomming boring/mainstream. I guess this is further evidence of me being some kind of (still pretty young, I think the Millionaires are older than me?) manchild, who just needs to "grow the fuck up". Still, if enough people stay as pokemon, then maybe, less will become boring no fun club hipsters when they hit 21, and be more down to get crunk and non ironically blast FTSKs and Amy Can Flyy while downing jagerbombs, instead of sipping cider while discussing films and their ill informed feeble grasp on politics.

I Still buy CDs.......

I think Americans are beginning to respect British people slightly more. Cheers to bros like Jason Statham, The SAS in Call of Duty, and the "Psycho" bro in Crysis, we seem to be being portrayed less and less as either cowardly villans, ppl who die, or hugh grant, and more as criminals or the SAS.

Think I'm gonna miss always being the villan

As we all know, criminals and the Army = Respect

H8 my parents right now for being baby boomers and fucking up the housing market, the economy, secondary education, wellfare and a ton of other things which means life's gonna be mega hard + mega debtful + dick high houseprices + dick high taxes to pay for the pensions of the same generation that fucked everything up so much, so they can keep living it up and blowing our inheritance. Fuck this, after uni I'm pissing off to America.

Magoo the Masturbating dog remains the best thing in Cinema for decades...

Wormrot is a fucking awesome band. I really wana check them out in some filthy bar in Singapore sometime, if I'm ever there. One of my bff's is Singaporean too, and said I can totally crash his whenevs.

Is it just me, or are scenebros getting more and more inbred hick looking/acting. JT Lloyd, DDC, and following T Mills on twitter is pretty much just an hourly reminder that he smokes dope. I heard you the first time bro. Guess I felt pretty baddass and wanted everyone to know too...when I was like 14. Then again, Americans have always seemed rather "all show and no go" when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Prolly your 21 drinking age which makes you such exhibitionists. #shutupandtakeit. Coke remains the naffest drug going, followed by Methadrone which Hipsters in Manchester seem to have swept up as the wallet friendly coke alternative. Weed clocks in at 3rd, thanks to T Mill's fucking Twitter.

It's the goddamn cutest thing ever when a girl turns you down. Its kina customary to get pissy as hell when this happens, loose all your dignity, and go write awesome deathcore songs. You look like a fucking tool and loose major cred though, chill bro. Most of the time, even if they think they are, they arn't serious about it (within reason, if she starts screaming or running away you should probably let that shit go). MB its like a test or something, whevs. So many awesome memories of chicks trying to "put their foot down" and be serious by turning their face or pushing me away, trying not to smile. Kina sucks to get with someone with zero effort in a way (via "T-Rex wants to hunt, not be fed" #JurrasicParkQuotes). Mb thats why I used to dig chasing girls with boyfriends so much. "No" is a fucking cute word, trumped only by "But I have a boyfriend...". Anyways, a cute as fuck scene balloon recently decided I was the best thing since internet porn, so I'm more than happy to let all that shit go (via srs relationship).

Have done fuck all over the past week but spend 90% of the time procrastinating and playing video games, and the rest studying. I think tomorrow I will diagnose myself with ADD. Fuck.

I Join Stuff You Will Hate! First post up nao!

It's no small fact that I propper dig SYWH, and am super syked to have been asked to write for them. As a scene kid on the older end of the young spectrum, and a person with reasonable intellegence, I feel that the blog speaks directly to me, and thus can't think of any better continuation of my blogging prowess.

But yeah, peep my debut post up right now, which was originally gonna be on here, but now I guess found a better outlet, about Hurry! Let's Go and my belated scene valentines playlist. I'll still keep Hyperviolence going, just syphon all my scene content into SYWH i guess.

Anyway, super stoked! Crunk tiems!

Thy Art Is Murder, and Mysogyny in death metal/deathcore

It's not often i like to plug bands I dig. For one, that's what pretty much everyone on the internet/world seems to be doing, whereas I prefer to do what the remainder of people do, which is sit back and make snarky discouraging comments and attempt to spot the latest emerging trends. I also rarely mention metal on this blog that much either, instead seeming to cover screamo crunk through the irony lens, much like a 17 year old dabbling in homosexuality. So yeah, I admit that simply plugging music you like is boring, nerdy, and stupid.

I haven't actually ever clicked play on this video, I just saw the thumbnail and already was thinking "shut the fuck up you chubby little fuck"!

However, I fucking love Thy Art Is Murder so much I wana bum them all. They play some mad sick technical deathcore, with the sickest breakdowns, some mad shredding, hella tight blastbeats, double bass drums out their anus, FUCKING SLAM RIFFS, pig squeals, pro high and low vocals, and pretty much everything I like about metal and makes me squirm with glee. If I could be in any band right now it would be them (actually, fuck that, it would be Blink 182 so I could actually make some money).



I even ordered their EP, which never arrived, fucking Aussies.

Also found this vid of their best song, "Infinite Death", with the lyrics, holy fuck!

I fuck your daughters
Hack them up
Kill them one by one
The taste of pure slut is all that keeps me here
Lock up your doors
Lock up the sluts
Lock up their cunts

Everything I want I fucking own
My life revolves around fucking possession
Everything that I own I just posses to dismember
They love to watch themselves hacked apart

All their limbs will be removed

Enter the mind of a psychopath
Where girls remain possessions

Do you love what I have done?
Raping just for the fun

Have I lost my mind?
For becoming who I am
Its all your fucking fault
Dumb bitches fuck they don’t understand
This world does not revolve around them

All your limbs will be removed with tedious precision
What’s left is fucking useless but still breathing

Each breath feeds them as they chew flesh

My conscience escapes me when I feel the warm insides of sluts

All your limbs will be removed

I live two separate lives
I’m hiding in disguise
Seek and you’ll fucking find
I live two separate lives
Hidden from their fucking eyes

I hunt in secret
I hunt in silence

I stalk my prey in secret
Watch them waste away

Yeah, I know it's pretty tame for most, Devourment would fucking school these guys on hating chicks, but there's something very innocent and childlike about the hatred that I find quite endearing and can relate to. I can even imagine writing them myself in a low moment, although I'd probably come back the next day and go "fuck! what was I thinking?!" like i normally do. The:

"Have I lost my mind?
For becoming who I am
Its all your fucking fault
Dumb bitches fuck they don’t understand
This world does not revolve around them"

sounds particularly adolescent heartbreak, I can almost Imagine one of them sobbing it into his pillow, while angrily scrawling it onto an A4 notepad. The fact that this probably happened in an Australian accent also makes me lol.

Hating on chicks is pretty entry level, although it's easy to see why it goes hand in hand with metal. There's no need to elaborate on that at all it's so fucking obvious. It's pretty much the metal way to be emo. And while it's easy to mock something like this when all's cool, most of us will often want to turn to this stuff when we get fucked over by some chick.

From about 14-18, like most dudes, i was severely and repeatedly played, probably worst than most, the worst case i can recall right now when a girl i'd already got with invited me to come stay with her in Finland, before ditching me more or less as soon as I was off the plane to go hangout with some other friends, more or less abandoning me there. Luckily I had other friends in the city, so managed to scrape together an ok holiday out of it, but fuck! It's easy to see why I gravitated towards death metal. I remember repeatedly watching this Carnifex video when I got home.



So yeah, as I get older and the balance of social power has shifted, I find myself playing chicks more than vice versa, and have in general grown the fuck up, i guess the whole thing has shifted more into perspective. There's nothing wrong with this kina stuff, It's just extreme heartbreak music, or alternatively good old violence for violence sake, with pornography thrown in for good measure. Apart from on the train today when I was listening to Thy Art Is Murder's "Whore to a Chainsaw" and staring some poor girl down feeling like the most evil twisted mother fucker around. That was just me being hella creepy.

A snapshot of the North of England, and an inadvertantly beautiful metaphore for teenage life.

Watching this video, I can't help get slightly sentimental, and feel a certain connection with where I'm from, in a way similar I imagine to the feeling that Necro may get when he hears about someone getting raped in New York. This felling is not about the girl or the baby, but a huge sense of kinship I feel with the running kid at the beginning of the video (not the fat one holding the phone). His look of wide eyed desperation to see this momentous event, that he can tell his friends "I was there", for years to come. I also relate to his status as "outsider", or "watcher", as he tries to hurtle over his classmates to get a better view, and then get shouted at by some teacher or self appointed "bossy girl" to "give her some room" or some shit. He is neither the girl, nor (not fucking likely) the baby's father. In stead he is just a casual observer, looking for something to talk about, chilling with his early pubescant bros, before school ends and they go to intimidate the general public on a bus/fast food restaurant and then go home to dinner and ultra violent video games. They have no female friends, but the second one of them gets an extremely pedestrian girlfriend, the rest of the group will be wrought with betrayal/jealousy. And here they are, living parallel lives to this girl who is already pregnant at what can't be more than 15. She is the "in" crowd, a main character, a protagonist or antagonist to the dramas that unfolds in and around the school. The boy, and so many like him, the younger me included, are just extras. We watch, and with fascination, even though we know it is very unlikely we will ever get our own "15 minutes of fame". There is just nothing about us worth talking about. We shall probably get our first girlfriend around 16, loose our virginity at 18, too late for anyone to care/congratulate us on/spread rumours about. We just hover around the "In" crowd, letting them explore life first, taking notes, before we experiment ourselves with sex/drugs/fashion. They are the real time Soap Opera, taking place right before our eyes, while we live through tv, film and video games. TV lets us look in on the lives of more "In" crowds, with lives that have a compelling narrative. At around 16 we will probably combine with a group of girls, of similar looks/social standing/lack of charisma/lack of life experience. Together we make a new larger, more diverse mature group, and explore life together, under the radar of the wider social circle. We have good and bad times, romances are born and die, and our old video games lie largely forgotten. We feel that our lives are finally beginning to resemble TV, although no one cares by now, except us. After a few years, our group will explode, as we go to uni, and we will probably grow further and further away from each other. We never had any real connection to each other, even when we thought we were in love with some girl we dated, we just clung together because we had no one else. There is just nothing about us worth talking about.............yet.

The Black brokeNCYDE: Screamo Crunk, the Zeitgeist

As I have mentioned him before a few times, although never using his actual moniker of N!tro, i thought it was high time to honor the brother with a full post, kind of.

Expert sagging, those sweet checkered vans, post-shutter shade UV protection, and black.....dyaaam!

He's kind of a bit like 3OH!3, but with better production, and more street cred (through being black). He also just did some kina colab with those cunts from dot dot curve or something, and some ugly scene douche called J Bigga.

Scene wiggers actually seem to know genuine black people now, even if they do just act hella white around them.

J Bigga is also known for this video, recently featured on look at this fucking hipster in which he brings a scene element to crazy youtube conspiracy theorist culture.



So anyway, I fuckin jam out N!tro all the time since rapidsharing his album, I would have probably paid, had it been available anywhere but itunes, but it isn't, and apple can smb. Got some pretty terrible/awesome/relatable lyrics too, in a bullshit scene kid kina way, seems to quite accurately convey romance in a kind of alt teen setting, referencing facebook, myspace top friends, txting and all that other passive aggresive bullshit.

Anyway, heres probably his most popular song, and the one which introduced me to the reality of black people being aware of/being scene kids. We all kind of guessed that there must be at least one out there, maybe you even saw one on a google image search when you were bored, but they never seemed truly real, in the same way komodo dragons arn't really "dragons".



Despite being obviously kind of middle class, having more in common with, say, Kanye West than Mobb Deep, the dude still strikes me as a hella mass chill bro. I wish I had more friends like him, or any black friends at all for that matter, at the moment the best i really have are some maltstream* azns, so the idea of a black scene dude really gets me going.

Also, if you step into the photo section of his myspace, you unlock an incredible new world, where many more non-white scene kids come out of no where, and scene is no longer simply the persuit of pale bulimic suburban white kids.

.....and if that didn't turn things around enough for you, in this crazy world of opposites that N!tro seems to be creating from his bedroom, the white scenes are all red puffy, chubby and rather retarded looking creatures, as we see by this monstrosity.

Feels good that screamo crunk could be becoming some kind of subcultural utopia, with an equal racial cross section. This may simply be due to the fact that all scene kids/scene wiggers are pretty middle class, by which black middle class people are also sort of wiggers too, in that they are just as alien to the inside of a Mobb Deep lyrics sleve as white middle class kids, but feel like they have to live up to that image anyway, therefore, racial devide becomes completely meaningless, as everyone works together to chase that golden grail: being truly "street/black". I myself see N!tro as the scene answer to Martin Luther King.

So anyhow, while N!tro may be both making awesome crunk music, and challenging racial steriotypes, all is not good on the screamo crunk front, as i discovered a few mornings ago, checking out myspace, discovering one of the worst abuses of autotune yet: T Mills.


Now, I love autotune vocals, screamo crunk, Attack Attack!, gauged lobes and plenty of other shit, but this guy just seems to be taking it too far, into uncomfortable territory. He is like the practical joke that stops being funny, and ends in a hospital trip, and just like that, he made me have to stop for a second, and seriously re-evaluate my stance on both silly music and life. I am still not 100% on whether he is actually real, or some kind of creature from our collective ids, like a scene pyramid head, telling us what we could become if we arn't careful. He seems too ridiculous to be true, but both myspace and google search suggest otherwise.

So where to begin; despite the fact that the music is terrible, and has non of the flair of brokeNCYDE, 3OH!3 or my new fantasy bromance N!tro, he looks like some kind of Oli Sykes squared monster, with a terrible case of trying-too-hard-not-to-be-a-spoiled-white-pussy-so-gets-a-shit-load-of-body-mods. I myself, embrace my status as spoiled white pussy, it's who I am, and it means i'm probably going to be spending most my life in relative comfort, so fuck anyone who has a problem with it. Wish I had a massive trust fund too. There is not one element of this dude that isn't taken to a ridiculous extreme, its like he went into the "make your own scene kid" on the sims or something, and put everything on full.

I'm also terrifyed as hell to find out what his age is, because if he's younger than me, I will probably have yet another early onset midlife crisis. It also fucked me up to learn that Taylor Swift is younger than me too. As well as that now I can watch porn with chicks that are younger than me, something that has fucked me up for a while. I'm only 20 yet I already feel old and washed up, and full of regret. Needless to say, I kind of envy the guy, having such an easy marketing ploy. I think tryna make it in a death metal band has probably been the wrong option, shitty autotune music is obviously the way to go. It's way easier, a fucking robot practically sings it for you, and scene chicks fucking love the shit out of it. Fuck you T Mills, fuck you. I just hope you're fucking wrinkled, broke and pathetic by the time you're 40 (the ink should hopefully keep you out of most jobs), while I will be wrinkled, rich and pathetic, reeling in the wake of my second marriage, wondering what the fucking point of living on is. Actually, fuck, you'll probably somehow still be happier than me.

Anyway, here's some more N!tro, as mimed by some scene cutie, who's probably young enough to find me creepy. Actually, she kind of looks like this 17 year old chick the singer of my band was banging for a while, despite him being 25 (props bro!).



*MALTSTREAM - a term coined by Hipster Run Off, meaning, mainly mainstream, but with some alternative tenancies, I.E could like some alt music, wear slightly alt clothing, or whatever. Will probably do some kind of post about them laters, as I'm pretty sure Maltstream chicks are the best in every way.

Well tumultuous last couple of days, shared a joint with my girls actual boyfriend after bumping into him on a run (turns out he lives pretty close), and came clean, no one's really ready for that, so he just kind of cycled off. I did it pretty badly too, afterwards going "errrr...so is that cool?" and giving a dumb thumbs up.
Got a pissed off call from her an hour later, saying "wtf!! Y?!?!? Nvr tlk 2 meh agn!!!" which i wish i had recorded, cos it would make a cool interlude or end of album thing, maybe with static noise in the background or something, like that one by Atmosphere. Then the next day ran into her while walking my dog. Apparently she dreamt she beat me to death and everyone hates her now, and also (probably made up) something about how she had to stop her (now ex) boyfriend from getting a lynch mob together and going all candyman on my ass.

Also got semi fucked up with some friends last night and recreated Blink-182's infamous "What's My Age Again" video with two other guys, through some Lancaster suburbs, causing a very shocked looking car to stop dead in its tracks, almost unsafely fast.......as you probably would. It was a good night!

On Saturday I bid farewell to my varied, subcultural and generally interesting friends to go back to good old monochrome student life, where everyone looks/acts/dresses the fucking same. Swarms of Akercrombe and Fitch, Horizontal stripes, and Topman, and conversation as varied as "shit, that was a tricky lecture" and "ohhhh fuck, I got so smashed last night, I'm so off the rails lolololol". Rarely do they do anything more fun than talk shit and puke though, a fight is probably the most interesting thing students tend to do when drunk. And even then, they're normally shit fights.

Anyhow, people bitch alot about how I shouldn't hate on students, and that (motherfucking plot twist!!!) I am one.

So here are my reasons for eying students with contempt.

1. I've already covered in great detail how everyone seems to have condensed into roughly the same person. My theory is that after having spent teenage years experimenting with various subcultures, scenes and whatnot, they have now decided that, as good middle class kids, middle of the road topshop/topman life is for them (also notice all the black people modeling on the topman website, this is a lie, topman is as racially diverse as the tour de france). Maybe i'm therefore just somewhat imature to remain some kind of hybrid scene/wigger/metal guy, but fucked if i'm gonna start wearing horizontal stripes now!

2. There's a lot of subtle racism. It's extremely subtle, and nothing as bad as the aforemensioned Candyman link, obviously, but still, watch the reaction of a group of tight knit middle class white kids when an indian/asian asks them something. They all look like they're biting lemons. It's actually pretty hilarious.

3. Opinion that anyone who hasn't gone to uni is worthless, and shouldn't be associated with. Again subtle, but there.

4. Fucking facebook! during termtime, almost everyone has display pictures of them, in some club, with 2 or 3 bland friends, looking like they're having an awesome time. Of course, normally when you go out with these groups they are pretty boring, bob along to the music a little, and then occationally one whips out their digital camera, and they pull crazy poses and thumbs up, to create an image of what fun they're having. Said Picture is normally up before the night is even over, via not actually being that drunk.

non of you are getting any tonight

5. The fatness. Despite all loudly talking about going to the gym whenever anyone is near, by the end of year one, thanks to endless cheap bear and kebabs, the muffintop/overhang is as prevalent as ever, and several times during any lecture you can see people learning back to yawn, sending an avalanche of gut plummeting over their tight belt. Stuff You Will Hate's "Sargent D" will now explain further.

5. The knowledge that most likely every girl you meet, no matter how sweet and innocent she seems, is most likely something of a village bicycle who has been fucked every way imaginable in the past week. If she wasn't a hoe before uni, she will be by now. Just roll with it and try not to take anyone too seriously.

6. People like me, cunts who somehow think they're "above it", and cling onto some silly childish subcultural gimmick.....

Here's a cool list of student stereotypes i discovered, It is all 100% true. I'm pretty sure I'm a Night Owl/Sniper.

Anyway, I just discovered this blog got a fucking link to from Metal Inquisition, just as I posted my last embarrassingly "emo-as-shit" post, bad timing sarge! I really need to think of something better to blog about than being a bitter student scene kid.

Big move into new house tomorrow, back to the fucking jaws of Manchester! Last night beach (I use the word loosely) party tonight, hopefully something disasterous/funny/worth blogging about will happen so I can keep up the illusion on here that I have an interesting life! Won't have internet until Monday, so hopefully by then will have some housewarming stories of student debauchery! Piece!

Objects in Space

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Me Now: Fuck Yes!

This morning I woke up, beat off, listened to Hollywood Undead, Necro, and Pantera, and now I'm about to put on some scene gear and get crunk! My girl-with-boyfriend fucked off to some festival yesterday night when we were meant to be meeting without telling me, so today i'm going all out, getting crunk, finding some other girl and broing down. I got a friends birthday party tonight too where we're gonna listen to the new Walls of Jericho album, hardcore dance, and probably listen to Attack Attack! and brokeNCYDE too! Then hit the fuckin town! Fuck yeah, tonight is gonna be sick! No bitch can bring me down!

Any of my 4 confirmed readers reading this, go listen to Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead, then get out there and get the fuck out of your comfort zone! What are your plans for tonight anyway...let me know bros, so tomorrow I can gloat that I had a better night ;)

A big day: Someone reads my blog

After having written this blog with a kind of self imposed regularity and reluctance, the months of thought diarrhea and posting about silly irrelevant things have been finally rewarded, and by rewarded, I mean glanced over by some guy in America.

Yes, the infamous Sergent D of Metal Inquisition fame and more recently the controversial "Stuff You Will Hate" (with its abysmal color scheme, although is this ironic?), has left no fewer than three comments, all, unless my online sarcasm detector is on the fritz, positive in nature. This means one thing....someone has read my blog. I haven't told anyone about it, just kind of done it cos that's what the kids do nowadays, It was originally a displacement activity from studying for my first year finals conceived at about 5 or 6 in the morning, and since then it just kind of stuck like a bout of athletes foot that though you are kind of embarrassed about and don't show the world, you still like to get it out and have a good old self indulgent scratch once in a while. Therefore, that someone has found it and actually read what is pretty much a 21st century diary, makes me feel both overwhelmed and exposed. Like having a chick over who discovers your athletes foot and instead of being revolted, unexpectedly scratches it gently, while purring in your ear.

Maybe this is the beginning of me becoming a famous web scene kid, such as the notorious KikiKannibal, Zui Suicide, Dani Gore or whatnot....for a full list consult this yahoo answers page. I would probably need a new name, as my current name dosn't really rhyme with anything, much less any choice scene buzzwords like Br00tality, Gore, Suicide or any other words that are essentially a bad thing happening. I wonder if there is a limit to how far that can go. For example, I would kind of like something sort of medical and Carcass-esque...maybe a rare disease. Mikey Maleria, or Ethan Ebola would be cool....if I was called Mike or Ethan. Or maybe just an obscure organ....DannyDuodenum (thats part of your large intestine). These strike me as much more interesting than vague words like Gore and Suicide. Give them a little TM on the myspace and heyyyy...new scene hero.

So anyway, the fact that the first person to read my blog (that I know of) is Sergent D is an exiting development because Metal Inquisition was the first blog I really started following, and taught me such important life lessons like it's ok to like brokeNCYDE and Slam Metal simultaniously, if your friends make fun of you for wearing something, chicks will most likely dig it (within reason, I once wore a pair of swimming trunks in my school days so small i didn't notice I had a bollock hanging out, that took about 2 years to live down), how to tastefully appropriate Wigger culture into metal, not to ever go to New Jersey, and that pretty much all careers in metal end in depressing living conditions and a meaningless middle age existance. If you are the second person to read my blog and haven't already, check his blogs, read them, and learn.

The fact that a glance over by some 30 odd year old American recovering metalhead in the midst of a early-onset midlife crisis (although unlike in American Beauty, where Kevin Spacey buys a sweet car, instead he opts for the more financially viable option of liking brokeNCYDE), much like I cling to my fleeing teenage years by dressing like a 17 year old instead of a 20 year old, and hang around with 18 year olds, has inspired me to waste time writing this post when I could have been learning German, practicing guitar, or at the very worst playing GTA4, shows just how hopeless the internet is turning our generation, and sending our prioritys to shit. Horray for a passive aggressive future where irony is slopped on so thick that saying anything means the opposite as well, depending on which is more hip at the time. I knew starting a blog was a bad idea.

Tomorrow I go to Manchester to record some guitar for sick new songs in a friends sick home studio. They are largely about rape and dismemberment. I also need to get the other guitarist down before he fucks off to Greece and becomes the Karate Kid.

Music Vs Reality

Recently, the drummer in my band decided to quit, in order to go to Huddersfield for university. As well as this, our singer is more or less AWOL, spending more time with his girlfriend, his high paying job, and his nice high rising flat in the center of Manchester, and his less committal, peaceful indie type band that requires significantly less time and effort than technical death metal. On top of that, the other guitarist is about to jet off for Greece for a year to learn and teach kung-fu with the legendary "grand master" he often tells us about, who apparently ran around in vietnam without a weapon killing people with his bare hands, and has killed 2 people with some kind of heart stopping preassure move, and become some kind of Karate kid incarnate, probably in a year that will be much like this i imagine.



Even me myself, am not at my best having lost a lot of time studying my balls off for the finals, which I did infact pass, narrowly. I'm even spending a year in germany after this one as part of my course, which will be a further blow to the already severly beaten dream of making it in a death metal band.

With this, has come reflection, and the realisation that making it in a death metal band, despite being what i've wanted more than anything for the past 5 or 6 years, is actually, not that great an ambition, compaired to going to university and getting a good job. Most people in bands sacrifice their futures for a few years of glory, but no matter how big you become, you will always eventually have to return to the daily grind of mundane life, and often, it isn't all too welcoming after your time off, and musicians, no matter how renowned or celebrated, often end up in terrible dead end jobs, and grow old ungracefully, always wishing for the former glory. It was a depressing wake up call for me when I learnt that Pin from Sikth, one of my biggest influences and responsible for possibly my favorite album of all time, now works in a call center somewhere in greater Manchester now that Sikth have broken up. Even a band as huge as Motorhead, after watching a tour diary, seem to lead quite a grim existanc of constant touring in order to afford life, constantly harking back to better days. And then there's Manowar, who, as much as they suck, are undeniably successful for a metal band, and you would have thought have at least reasonable living conditions. So as much as dropping everything to play metal, go touring and maybe produce some kind of pinnicle CD appeals, I don't think it would be worth the loss of a secure financialy stable future, and secure middle class familly life with a pet dog and holidays to the south of France which, despite being repuatably dull, is actually something i'm really looking forward to.

You kind of notice that alot of people who are still into metal in their middle ages are massive loosers, and this probably scares a lot of people into growing up. I'm hoping that in the next couple of decades or so, there is a boom in the amount of normal successful middle aged people who are into metal and have plenty of faded tattoos, to prove that metalheads arn't all loosers.

This slow death of dreams dosn't nessacerily mean a loss of identity and allegiance to metal. I'm gonna be playing guitar for the rest of my life (at least untill the onset of arthritis), and going to shows. I'm still gonna be getting tattoos, and following the scene, its just not gonna be the only thing about me. I'm hoping I don't end up like this:



rather than become a quite typical dad like mine (hopefully a cool dad), albeit who happens to love death metal and has faded tattoos. I don't even want a "Metal" family, rather than a quite "square" partner and kids who find their own cultures to love. I remember at the Tuska festival a couple of years ago, I saw this tastefully metalheadish middle aged guy, who turned out to watch Emperor with his non-metal wife, who kina looked slightly hippieish. He watched the band for a little bit, but after a while, when it was clear she wasn't enjoying it, he took her further back so they could talk. That woman was probably the most out of place person there, but the fact they would go to Tuska as part of an evening out kind of warms me. Hopefully he went to some grateful dead or something gig with her too.

Its a shame though that so many people completely drop the subculture they were as they realise that musical dreams arn't gonna come to fruition. I'm pretty much the only person in my class at uni that dresses like any kind of subculture, with new era caps and devourment t shirts amoung the swarms of Akercrombe and Fitch, Horizontal stripes, and Topman. Almost every metal head I know has now cut their hair, and pretty much stopped listening to metal, as a part of "fitting in" with their new university friends. I never really hung out with other metalheads much through my teen years, so maybe thats why at uni im so comfortable keeping my identity and dressing like a metalhead/scene kid amounst other student friends. I definitely aren't treated any differently, and if I was, well, I wouldn't hang out with them.

So as reality sets in, I still am and always will be very much proud of who I am and was, and will keep the identity. Its just a shame that there are so few people in the middle, everyone eather drops all identity and conforms to middle class comfort, or keeps it up, persues their dreams, maybe with some success, but ultimately ends up a massive looser.

Deja Vu

i am probably going to soon get fucked off by a girl, and spend the rest of the summer practicing guitar, drinking alone, and writing death metal songs about rape........like every summer

Allison Harvard, my heart burns for thee

I discovered about this chick browsing the /tv/ board at 4chan, but damn, i think i'm in love bro! I could get one of my many nosebleeds and she'd lie underneath it, then dance covered in my blood. Then we'd watch some really violent film and snuggle, before falling asleep in a mess of caked blood.......this fantasy is over!



Me being English and someone who never watches tv means i'm most likely way behind on this, but after a quick look on youtube, i was severly hooked. The eyes man! I love fucked up girls like this, when I was 15 a had a girlfriend who would carry around pictures of death scenes and shit, and we'd talk about ways to kill ourselfs...looking back it was probably the most tight relationship I ever had, I wonder what she's up to now?

Tomboy fuck yeah!

Like most girls with weirdness like this, chances are that either now or soon she will "mature" into something boring and vapid that doesn't wear Nirvana t shirts and ripped jeans, something made more likely by hanging around with models. Teenage angst can be pretty ace sometimes, i dunno why everyone has to hate on it so much. Someday she'll probably look back on the blood thing and scoff and act embarrassed, and blame it on said angst. But anyway, heres to hoping she stays weird. YUSSSSS!!!!