Fuckyer

Exams are over, so I guess I should go get crunk or something...

Friday zaster: Fail Mountain

This friday involved a myriad of poor life choices from yours truly, starting with drinking vodka while studying in the morning before an exam. What started as a mere swig to simply "take the edge off", grew steadily into many swigs to tackle many edges, and before I knew it, I was DGAF'ing instead of studying, and live-tweeting said downfall.



The exam went pretty poorly, as one may expect, at one point I tried to make myself puke by fingering my throat so I could get out and maybe be able to do it again in a more capable state, but it lead to nothing other than a sharp retching noise, causing some slight attention and embarressment, so I just put my head down and tried my best to regurgitate some kind of knowledge onto the page.

Luckily it was just some bullshit module with little credit worth, so if you were gonna be drunk for any it would be that one, which was lucky. But as most of my uni friends reminded me, apart from my azn, who just giggled, drinking and exams is never good.

After the exam I happened upon a few scene friends I'd not hung out with for a while, and continued to get fucked up in canal street, Manchester's "gay quarter", as the majority of our little group of alts happened ghey/les. It turned into a surprisingly decent day, I made new friends, got drinks bought for me [via Rich(er) Girls] and managed to safely pass out in my bed at 9pm sharp, giving me plenty of time to get my system/head clean for revision the next day.

Also learnt during my travels that one of the scene bros was some kind of minor scene youtube celeb (3006 subs :/), which was kina amusing, via silly pointless vids of ugly English people.

5 unabridged minutes of morbidly obese classless British scene fail: courtesy of "Chloe Carnage"

You don't even know meeeeee!

Also included was the obligatory "stop judgeing us!" video that all internet alts have to have, after getting butthurt when someone calls them gay. Kina redundant, especially seeing as how the internet is just pretty much a big room that you walk into and everyone calls you a fag.

Anyway, apparently the dudes kina embarressed about it now, and dosn't make them, so I might, if I get a chance, try and convince him to start again (via sucking up) just for the hell of it :/. If anything it should produce some more potential lolfests. I ran into him once before very briefly via a mutual friend, and he seemed decent enough, if not a little camp. One of those people who can't really speak without making wild arm movements.

Anyway, speaking of internet things you later regret when you get older, I appear to have found the alt Mclovin on myspace. Amusingly enough it was through a picture comment his girlfriend left on JT Lloyds myspace, saying she was jelous of his girlfriend.

Gross hair? Pre-pubescant mustache? Sideways Piece sign? Hat Tilt? Damn son! You're livin' the dream!

There are too many awesome pics of this wonderful little wigger to choose just one, but anyway, here are some of the best. It's like this guy is a one man edition of Wigged and Confused.

we are all very impressed with your collection of shitty $100 guitars. And your doubel chin pose.

Nomatter how hard they try, some people can never get past the "nerdarms", and that awkward way they hang slightly forward

This'll show her!!! lololol, with the caption "You know who you are".

Everything becomes clear.

Love how myspace is now a pool of dumb poor, often OTW teenagers now. It's like, everyone else left to go to facebook, and now it's been condensed into some kind of internet equivalent of Australia, where all the reprobates and undesirables get shipped off too.

Dani's Pokemon Years

As innocent as this song sounds, I suspect that "microphone", may be a euphomism for something far more unbecomming.

For a while I've faced disbelief/adversity for wanteing to eff Dani over the other 2 Millionaires, with her gigantic forehead and lack of the valuable Japanese geneology that the other 2 so proudly posess.

And indeed, while she she may posess that effable "four finger forehead", and husky tomboyish voice, which is especially bonerworthy whenever she uses the word "boyyyyyyyy", it's hard to keep up the feelin' when pictures like this exist:

It's always horrifying when you see a chick you crush on looking like some kind of bizarre chubby frog thing, staring into a webcam with an expression that can only be described as "chommer"

However, I guess we all have bad days/photos, and my faith is always restored on returning to her final fantasy/pokemon days:


Wish she still looked like this. Sucks how chicks always seem to go through many different "phases", of scene, before "growing up", and ultimately becomming boring/mainstream. I guess this is further evidence of me being some kind of (still pretty young, I think the Millionaires are older than me?) manchild, who just needs to "grow the fuck up". Still, if enough people stay as pokemon, then maybe, less will become boring no fun club hipsters when they hit 21, and be more down to get crunk and non ironically blast FTSKs and Amy Can Flyy while downing jagerbombs, instead of sipping cider while discussing films and their ill informed feeble grasp on politics.

I like them rich girls....

My past week and a half has actually been that song, thanks to the lovely (and loaded) yeahyouknowit from the SYWH fam, and her bank account, who decided to hop over to Manchester last thurday. This was her fucking hotel room!

That TV was the bomb, luckily I had my Aliens DVD on me for some reason, so I could stay up all night loudly reciting "They mostly come at night....mostly...." and "They're in the vents!!!!" preventing YYKI and most likely everyone else on the penthouse floor from sleeping till 3 am.

The next night, friday, my stangry friend Nevchrist came and chilled up, and we were gonna see Millionaires, but instead stayed in drinking jager way too late, missing the show and instead buggering off to Satan's which now lets us back in.

Saturday we saw brokeNCYDE and Jeffree Star in London, laughed at tube stops, and got further crunk. Also, it was disturbing to stand infront of a waddle of fat tween girls screaming at the top of their lungs "FUCK ME, IM A CELEBRITY". No thanks......


Shame that she had to go back, cos the power of me, her and nev was a scene force to behold! I knew she got some jelous looks from many of the regular scene bitches, who are no doubt glad she has gone home ;)

Anyway, life is normal and boring and sucks again, untill the summer, when hopefully going to the Warped tour with the rest of the SYWH fam! Bitches!

Brotiems

Bro moments are the fucking best. Getting stoned and/or drunk (coke is for naff hipsters anyways, all you need is alcohol, weed, and maybe E), playing video games, talking about chicks & music...A good bro time is better than like, 40-60% of all the fucks ever.


Had a few decent bro moments recently, maybe being in a relationship make you appriciate that shit more, whevs. Had my birthday/easter bbq last fri, got waaay stoned and passed out in a bed w/ a bro after listening to Forever the Sickest Kids all night. Decided to make a band.

Saying "lets make a band" is some advanced brodom, even if you never actually do it, or even ever fully intended to. Like saying, I would be happy having you accompany me in a music journey + attracting tons of scene poon together.

Violence is bro

Here is me getting punched by Nev, he has a killer punch, he could probably deck most people.

Punching each other and other forms of jackass type fooling around are a sign of advanced bro-status.

As is getting locked in a small toilet together looking after a severly over-crunk bro

Getting naked in band practices and play raping each other is pretty bro.

Not sure how this happened.....

I went to an all boys school, and remember the "play-bummings" well. It was always the most hetero guys who got with the most chicks who did it too, all the dudes who actually turned out to be gay never joined in. One of my friends was once getting bulled so shouted out "Stop it, you're giving me an erection!". Actually, guess thats why the gay dudes never play raped anyone.....

Back in Lancaster for Easter, tryna study moar + finish the last bits of the deathcore/metal EP I'm making w/ Nev when not getting punched. Probably spending too much time playing video games, considering my next rig upgrade, or laughing at dogs. Whevs.

The Past Week In Images

It was my birthday, times were good, SYWH honored the occation, I ate pizza, watched die hard, drank mango vodka, and things were generally good :)

Also went to Alton Towers, a popular UK theme park, with my brother and his girlfriend for the occation too over the weekend. This was ok, the rides were cool and all things considered it wasn't that expensive, but since I last went it seems to have been overcome by poor people and chavs. Seems like the middle classes may have "moved out". Also pretty sure i ran into "Die Antwoort" in the line for Hex, it was very dark though, so couldn't get a photo.

Chick with a fucking mullet!

Bus back was kina a nightmare too, and seemed to have been overrun by the cast of skins, give or take a few years.


Kids these days are fucking annoying. Had to violently push one little fucker in a que to stop him jostling my bros gf.

FUCKYEAHGERMANY!!!!

The yearly WTF?!?! That is Karnival

So a (pretty rich) friend recently paid for me to go to Germany last week for "Karnival", in Cologne, a sick ass German street fest I went to last year. Pretty much twice every year I tend to at some point find myself in Germany, and whenever I'm there it's sheer awesomeness still gets me. Ever since I was 14 it's been like my favorite place ever, I've dated 3 girls there, and I have a ton of friends all over the place too, from Rendsburg to Munich. Here is why Germany rules more that your shitty country, and a few weird/amuzing experiences I've had there:

Da Germanz, Dey Luv Me:
Ok, so this one most likely dosn't apply to you, but I thought I'd include it anyway. Germans fucking love me! Seriously, I have no idea why, I probably pull off some kind of mix of cute foreigner + alt cred + natural cool bonus from being English that applys all over the world. Either way, I do just get on with Germans way better than most non-Germans, even through the (ever diminishing) language barrier. Actually, some Germans fucking hate me, and think I am an annoying asshole, but most I just gel with really well. Kina like marmite with a higher success rate.

Bros:
Some of the guys with the most bro points i've ever met come from Germany. If you follow me on twitter you may have noticed the event where at aformentioned Karnival one of my best German bros was arrested for some kind of vandelism/drunk and disorderly German hybrid equivalent. He did this while fancy dressing as an escaped convict. I can just imagine how hilarious he must have looked in the holding cell.

Props bro, but soon you'll be in a cell and won't get to hit that

Another bro worth mensioning was this dude fro a foreign exchange back in high school, who was probably the best argument for Nazi Germany i've ever met. Taller than six foot, blue eyes, blond hair, with the muscle formation of a black man, pretty much straight from a Hitler youth propagada poster. During the course of the exchange, he dominated the assault course, broke up a fight at a party, carried about 2 thirds of all the components needed when we had to build a raft (out of a team of 6), and on the last night broke his previous stone cold a-sexual vibe by getting with the hottest girl around, this Polish chick who everone else had been breaking their backs trying to get her attention, after she had been comming on to him the whole night. When he left, my brother refered to him as "The only person I've ever loved" (no homo). And my brother hates everyone.

Bromances that will last a lifetime (no homo)

Girlz:
German girls are the fuckin' shit! From their stone cold veneer hiding a playful center that just wants to get out, their subdued Randy vibes carefully obscuered beneath well kept side swept hair, the dissaproving looks they give you when you do anything silly.

Also remember this girl from a year or so ago when me and one of my firends were chilling in a bar there, we'd just got off the plane so were kina knackered, and although everyone else was dancing we were content to just lean on the bar and drink and "play it cool". Then out of the blue this textbook German chick comes out of no where wanting to dance and says, "Hallo? Es ist Partyzeit!!". This ones for you, semi drunk German party girl!

Also, there was this fucking crazy dude there we met through a friend who told us about all the money he had made selling knifes and drugs to school children, yet was also politically aware as hell, and expressed his thoughts on how the German judicial system was too easy on repeat offenders. I'm not sure if he was aware of the irony of this, or whether it was the beginnings of some kind of lengthy diatribe on how he "is a product of the system", but anyway, shows you how even the criminals in Germany are of a higher class than in other places.

Man Chorus:
The horror. More or less every national pride type song involves the sound of burly men singing together.

There is no escaping this song...or Hohner's mustashe

Mums/MILFS:
For some reason, German mums are the most down to party demograph over there. They love to dance, get tipsy, and giggle at stuff. On one foreign exchange trip I actually got on better with my host's mum than her, and spend one awesome evening just chilling out with her, drinking their expensive wine, and waxing philosophical about life, getting gradually more and more drunk.

Also brings back horrific memories from some street party in Kiel, watching a large crowd of middle aged German women dancing together, being DJ'd to by some handle bar mustached middle aged dude who kept saying "I vant to fack!".

Large Men:
Germans are in General, large people. I don't mean this in the morbidly obese sense of the word, as their general lifestyle and eating habits are way healthyer than the UK/US. They are just kina scaled up. Like the time me and a friend realised we were the shortest people in a club (including the females), or the time I was in a bathroom and had to tip toe to get my cock in the urinal. There are still shorties about, but just a hell of a load of Aryan giants too. I don't know why this is a good thing, but it is funny in a strange kind of way.

Two giant gruff men once called me and my friend gay (in a jovial fasion) once after we left a large heart shaped chocolate at their table. It was hilarious and intimidating at the same time. It didn't help that the chocolate said "Ich Liebe Dich" (I love you).

Beer:
German beer fucking rocks. End of. If you disagree you are wrong and/or American, and thus weaned on piss weak shit you can't even legally get fucked up on untill you're 21.

wtf?!?!?

Scene Kids:
Not only is Germany home to a large selection of scene cuties!



But also this odd lesbo, back from my very first ever post!



So there, Germany, with its eccentric quirkyness and odd traditions, rulez d00d! If you have any other pro experiences there, let me know! I'm sure that regular German commenter in these parts, Grobiwonder, will refute my claims of Germany's sheer brilliance, via the "the place I come from fucking sucks" mentality, but he is wrong. Germany > UK <3!!!

If Only: Scene Jersey Shore

So recently I've been tots getting into this awesome US reality show, Jersey Shore. The basic premise, for everyone who is not American, is fill a house with those funny orange people you probably know from various internet pictures, and just let them do their thing, knowing that their natural stupidity/ego/lack of self awareness will lead to some mad entertaining situations and some absolutely pro quotes.

From what I gather, the program gets quite a lot of flak for being kind of low brow (lets face it, The Wire it ain't) like all reality shows do. I mean yeah, most do suck, and are generally boring as hell, but something about Jersey Shore actually strikes me as genuinely quite decent TV. Although I can only really speak from an English perspective on the subject, most of the reality shows here suck so much because the people are generally just shit boring and are either focused on too much or not enough. Plus there's something about stupid English people talking to the camera that just tanks.

This qualifys as highlights, no fighting, no drinking, no fist pumping, no orange

But yeah, the way Jersey Shore pans out actually works really well, other reality shows take note!

Firstly, it's a given that you actually hate everyone, and you do, for at least the first hour or so. The makers have pretty much banked on this, combining the natural prejudice against reality show contestants with the universal hatred/mockery of "Guidos" (a phenomena I am yet to experience first hand, although am totally thinking about hitting up the Jersey Shore sometime). They begin by exploiting the Guidos natural guidishness, showing them packing their cars with rediculous amounts of hair products, fake tan, whey protein, and other such artifacts of Guid.



However, as things progress, personality's further than "I work out 5 times a week and I like to parrrtttyyyyyy!" begin to emerge, as well as various amusing conflicts and relationships. So far this sounds kina standard, but there is something about the setting, the sheer egos and aggression involved, and the general hilarious stupidity of most involved that make Jersey Shore hella more entertaining than any other reality show I've seen before. The characters, while their likability and integrity may be rather questionable, do play off each other in a very entertaining way, and they do manage to actually go through with some decent drama fodder such as fighting and bringing chicks home on the regular. One episode of Jersey Shore has probably more drama content than an entire series of Big Brother or any other UK pseudo-celebrity snooze fest. And that's another thing, the UK tends to use reality shows as a vehicle for the same old dull celebs to tred water in an endless cycle of public mockery and Heat magazine type fame, instead of delving into the actual public, where you can find people who are far more interesting to watch, before the fame gets to them and renders them shit boring. (For this reason kina skeptical about season 2 of Jersey Shore).



So anyway, I was thinking, while Guidos and their drama makes for all kinds of amusing TV, there's another group of people who are that much more real to me, that could also do all this crazy shit and make some silly show with it! Scene Kids of course! While it could quite easily just end up being a group of depressive lamos hanging around on stickam on their parent's macbooks pouting for various photoshoots in a bid to try and look much more fun than they actually are, I think the mix of well known scene "characters" I have drafted up (with some pointers from the esteemed yeahyouknowit) shall ensure that a full, drama filled time will be had by all involved!

After running it by VH1 on Friday I've been assured we can start filming this fall, for an early 2011 release date! So here are my ideas for the most explosive mix of scene fgts for my new reality show "Crunk Shore":

T Mills (autotuned crunk fgt)

So yeah, this was probably the most obvious choice, seeing as how much I love this prick and his god awful/awesome brand of super auto tuned crunkcore. Partly I just wana put the bro to the test, and see if he can "walk the walk". I guess I kina expect him to be like the scene "The Situation" (with scene kids, tats are the equivalent of the Guido's abs), and live up to his lyrics of pulling "Rich Girls" and the like. Although I always wondered, looking like he does, I'm sure he would have a hard time getting most rich girls to take him seriously (and most human beings in general), seeing how the girls he describes sound painfully mainstream, instead of the "alt hoes" you would expect. Then again, i guess he can probably pull the old "bad ass" trick, which can snare boring girls for roughly a week before the novelty wears off.

Mellisa Millionaire (Millionaires)

A female counterpoint to T Mills, and a scene girl who actually gets the concept of fun. She would totally hit the town every night, to, if Millionaires lyrics are anything to go by, break hearts and take names! Plus I think it would be pretty amusing to see her puking into the toilet every morning, bits of regurgitated pizza getting caught in that lovely big hair. There could also be a special episode where the rest of the Millionaires girls come up, and T Mills and Se7en go retarded running around trying to impress them, while Kiki gets all butthurt over the lack of attention and breaks a plate or something.

Se7en (brokeNCYDE)

Do I really need to explain this one? Also needs to be put to the test, to see if he gets as crunk as he says he does.

Kikikanibal (internet brat)

So while people who are actually fun and likable are all good, I thought it would also be necessary to throw in a self obsessed drama queen to be a general bitch/hate figure. After every dude in the house hits on her relentlessly before getting sick of her bullshit, she would then start to have regular stress outs whenever the dudes bring any new chicks home. Would also probably have long emotional session with the other girls and tell them how they're "like a sister to me", before turning on same girl when they talk to the wrong guy or actually try and have fun because she's just being an annoying little bitch.

Johnny 3 Tears (Hollywood Undead)

While he isn't really overtly "scene", and more "wigger" (although the two are closely linked) I figured the house would need at least one dude who would be up to genuinely throwdown when some drunk dude in a club starts flicking Mill's lobes or leering all over Kiki. Plus he would probably at some point in every conversation say shit like "You don't know what hardcore is! I was in prison dammit!!" and be a source of other such lolquotes. I'm pretty much banking on him starting fights when they go out, based purely on HU's "scummier than most" image.

Amor Hilton (Internet brat/Model)

Would probably assert that she is "above" all this, not have fun, try and act like she thinks intelligent people act, make a fool of herself, and get pregnant about a week or so in.

Dahvie Vanity (Blood On The Dancefloor)

As much as I dig BOTDF, I can't help strongly dislike this bro for being chubby, socially awkward, creepy as hell, and possessing of the annoying type of Jeffry Star (who I genuinely hate) esque self obsessed narcissism. Basically a male counterpoint to kiki, but without being attractive enough to back it up. Who knows, maybe he is actually kind of fun irl, but he strikes me more as the type to creep all over drunk girls before proclaiming an eventual grope/passed out make out as "scoring". I would love to see him hastily appologise and backtrack like hell with that eerie soft voice of his though when someones boyfriend takes issue with his creeptastic ways.

Kristen Randell (Winds of Plague)

Although I actually know fuck all about her personality, I sense she would probably be one of the more down to earth ones, whos purpose would be to protect Mellisa from drunken rape/hold Johnny back/make Dahvie leave chubby underage girls alone/tell kiki to get the fuck over herself. Kind of like a mediating influence on everyone else's irresponsibility. I have no idea why I think this is what she'd do, it's just the vibe I get. Also, peep the first Google image result of her name (via scene boobage).

Any more ideas?

Signs of the rising end: Jakewolf and KikiKannibal

Sick couple of weeks going out too much, not working enough and chilling the fuck out! You know it was a good night when you wake up with a hangover and see a scantily clad scene chick on your computer checking her Facebook and playing The Devil Wears Prada on youtube.

I had no idea TDWP were this generic emo looking, don't think that kina hair's in anymore bro!

Discovered this absolute cuntbag the other day. I remember when I first discovered T Mills (what the fuck is his new haircut btw, I had that when I was seven!), and I thought he seemed like a total douche, yet I still felt a weird kind of affection for him, cos he was so fucking ridiculous and just screamed out "trying too hard!". Anyway, this is Jakewolf, he's like the budget T Mills, with less/crappyer tats, worse production, less of a following, and possibly the worst lyrics in screamo crunk to date. If you have ever noted any screamo crunk lyrics you will realise this is no mean feat, and is tantamount to something like worst fatal car crash, or worst nuclear holocaust. Add the midrange high production and his girly voice makes it really quite an endurance test to listen to.



Oh Yeah, and he has the symbol for the World Health Organisation (or WHO) tattooed on his neck. I've seen some pretty regrettable tats in my time, but this one totally takes the scene biscuit! After a little investigative journalism (posting a question on his youtube comments), a reliable source (a youtube comment poster), informed me that it was because he has Diabetes, and the symbol is on the insulin packets. Now, I understand that we should be thankful for the organisation that, so far, has prevented swine flu, sars, bird flu, and god knows what else ravaging our lands and people (although they are responsible for keeping Jake Wolf alive, which kind of puts them in a morally neutral position), but isn't there a more useful and less future destroying way to show this appreciation? like becoming a doctor, instead of getting a "keut" tat. At least he didn't get one of Wilfred Brimley.

At least Wilford Brimley got some money from being a walking advert for insulin!

On the subject of tattoos/destroying your future, I noticed he has ink on his face, neck and hands, but more or less no where else. All the tattoos are pretty simple and probably didn't cost that much, and likely have other flimsy, hastily thought out reasons of being there. I noticed this recently with scene kids, the current trend seems to be inking up the most visible areas possible, hands, neck, face and whatnot first. I know this little scene dude in Manchester who's just got one hand and his upper chest done, and then there's this guy. It's like its become a race to see who can destroy their future/become unpresentable as quickly as possible for the least money (actually, that kind of sums up all alt culture). If that's true, then Jake Wolf, with his brand of budget screamo crunk and embarrassing cheap tattoos, certainly wins. Hi Five Bro!!!

Obviously though, not everyone views this cunt with the same disdain I do (and seriously, every picture I see, combined with that whiny fucking girl voice, make we wanna deck him something fierce), because he has managed to land himself arguably the most sought after prize in scene world, the hot, yet fucking irritating Kikikannibal.

If you don't know her, she makes shitty fucking jewellery, is a vegetarian, and self centred scene queen. She's also kina hot I guess. For some reason, she also happens to be really famous. I myself, am waiting for her brief spell of beauty to end, and for her to inevitably become just another lonely crazy old cat women, confused and angry about where her status went. I recently tried to watch one of her videos, but just couldn't take it after about 5 seconds, pulled the cat face, and had to go shove forks in my eyes.

The combination of these next level teen scene train wrecks is surely a sign of the coming scene apocalypse. I hope they have kids. Imagine how fucked up they'll make them. The shits gonna hit the fan when T Mills hooks up with Melissa Millionaire(who incidentaly seems much more fun/legit/genuine/probably a better lay than Kiki, also didn't realise that Dani has gauged lobes, which is pretty ace, chick I mentioned at the beginning had them too, turns out they don't smell of cheese).

When crunk kids arn't getting crunk: xbrokenxheartsxjamzx

edit: Fixed the formatting problem, and also added an extra vid on the end, thanks to a recommendation by Sargent D, cheers brah!

As any affectionardo of Screamo Crunk is aware, all songs of the genre fit squarely into 2 categories; Songs about getting crunk, and songs about having a xbrokenxheartx.

As winter makes its presence known in Manchester, and the nights get longer, the rain gets even more frequent, the sky somehow gets even greyer, I begin too see my own breath when I wake up, my level of apathy goes through the roof. Combine this with the pang of missing my regularly mentioned in this blog girl-in-London (formerly girl-with-boyfriend), who I recently visited, and had one of the best weekends of my life with, and the situation in my course being "shit just got real".

This was me and a small Asian friend of mine, about 2 days ago, on our new assignment

Basically, I'm feeling way too drained to listen to anything as kinetic as death metal or hardcore, and I cba going out and getting crunk most of the time either. This has reduced me to creating several playlists of the crappy songs on screamo crunk releases that you normally skip to get to songs like Freaxxx. So anyhow, here is my pick of screamo crunk songs to lie around feeling sorry for yourself to, based on my past couple of weeks.......


1. Hurry! Lets Go - Mayday Mayday

Sorry to whoever's holiday snaps these are, but this was the only version with lyrics I could find :(

Although it's actually chock full of gay little happy melodies, the rather middle of the road entry level xbrokenxheartx lyrics give it a strange new vibe, which lends a weird, "hey....it just is bro", feeling to it. Basically, it kind of glamorises however shit you feel, making you feel like a character in a film, thus lending you some slight hope, and making you feel slightly cooler at the same time.

2. N!tro - Running Away



Much more standard xbrokenxheartx vibe but this time with N!tro's trademark kooky lyrics ranging from quite clever and relatable to completely fucking silly. This one has such gems as "I wana leave on my Jetski, ride to the ocean so nobody can catch me, and throw my phone in the water so nobody can text me" and "you got me lost like a satellite travelling in another galaxy". Has extra value to me now after going home this weekend, "telling my mum about this shit", and her telling me to "find another girl".

3. brokeNCYDE - I don't know



It's pretty tricky to choose just one brokeNCYDE song, as pre-BC13 they have a seemingly endless supply of shamelessly self pitying songs which pretty much take emo to it's logical conclusion. It's quite surprising that they suddenly stopped respecting women and began to write the feel good crunk anthems we know and love them for. I could have easily chosen any of the others, as they're all pretty much the same. You know you're in a bad place when these lyrics no longer make you cringe. Seems to have some kind of autobiographical value for se7en, with the words "the dopest in rap but couldn't never focus on that, was too distracted by the smoke that was choking his past". Obviously even the most bro-like fun time screamo crunk MCs have issues and dark pasts they try to hide from!! Maybe the "get crunk" lifestyle is all just a show, because he's just been hurt too many times and all he really wants is to settle down and snuggle with his own lil scene love <3.>

4. Blood On The Dance Floor - Designed to Kill

It's been a good while before I've been embarrassed about liking anything, I mean, when you hang out with death metal fans and start reppin' brokeNCYDE and dot dot curve, it's gonna raise some eyebrows, but BOTDF have made me squirm in a way I'd forgotten how. Their flamboyant campness, scene hair, donkish beats, and next level tasteless lyrics make for a very bitter lemon indeed. This is pretty standard BOTDF affair, with a pretty chill chorus of the xbrokenxheartsx variety. It probably makes the list on the merit of being the only BOTDF song I'm aware of which has lyrics going beyond "suck my dick girl", into, ya know, feelings, and stuff.

5. dot dot curve :) - Rocket Ship To The Moon



Like all dot dot curve songs, the words are all a wtf!?! invoking meaningless blurrr of "I'm the sex" and "All you haters can SMB!". However, among their usual chaotic whirl of synth mashing, this song gives me quite a dark vibe, which suits the Manchester winter quite well. I've taken to wapping this on my mp3 player whenever I leave the house in my high-tops.

6. Hollywood Undead - The Diary



I expected freshers week this year to be much like the last, a whirl of parties, nights out, and alcohol, with the added bonus of being a second year. Instead, I slept alot, hung around miserably on facebook, and listened to this song, while missing girl-in-London, and all my friends back home.

7. Breathe Carolina - The Rescue



Breathe Carolina seem like the least creepy, most upstanding group here (exept maybe N!tro). All their songs are actually pretty heartfelt and there rarely seem to make immature references to getting head, so that alone makes them stand out. I just love the "Did we enjoy ourselfs, when we destroyed ourselfs". I'm probably gonna put this on a playlist for getting stoned with bros after a night out sometime.

8. The Medic Droid - The Killer Anna



I've been reppin' this song for wayyy longer than the others, and applied the lyrics to many, many girls I've had a thing with, then lost in the past couple of years. In fact I think this was the beginning of my whole screamo crunk thing, back when I still convinced myself that I only was into it "ironically".

So anyway, there ya go, a selection of jamz to keep you cold during the winter months, and provide an alternative to whatever other terrible music you normally listen too. If you're having trouble taking any of this stuff seriously, I would recommend listening while staring out a window when it's raining, and before long the ridiculousness will be lost, and you'll be applying every song non ironically to your own life and wishing you could "bro down", with Spanky from dot dot curve.

CODA:

This vid on youtube by play radio play also seems to pretty accurately convey what it is to have "scene" heartbreak, after Jennifer Jealousy or Becky Bruta1ity steps on your heart. Watched it the first time the other day and nearly fucking cried, no joke! All the cutesy phases childishly scrawled and the black and white photos of scene kids looking angsty or having "moments" together was just too much! The girl lying down staring hopeless at the silent phone was a particularly bitter pill.

Donk: The Essence of the North West

Recently, in keeping with my North Western heritage, I have begun getting into the music of donk. Although i am not a chav, and my parents are pretty stable, so its not exactly a familiar scene.

If you are not from the north-west of England, I emplore you to now watch this video on the background of donk/chav culture, and get a feel of what the North West is like.



Particular highlights include:

"This is Spanish", Like Waynes World but with chavs.

"Do you want sittin on your fuckin arse?" I've seen this situation waayyy too many times, especially with the good Samaritan guy stepping in at the end "He's not worth it, not now mate, i'm not in the mood, don't touch me"

The "nice but dim bouncer", "If you do not let go of me, I will pop your eye out"

(the word was "co-operative" btw)


This skank. Although you may have seen a couple of maybe kind of attractive girls in the video, i guarentee most will end up looking like this. I recently witnessed an abomination like this hit on one of my friends in a pub, it was a very uncomfortable quarter of an hour.

There are far too many quality moments here containing the essence of the north west, so I find it hard to pinpoint any really, I just think you should watch the whole thing, and soak up the cultural wasteland of the North.

As you can probably guess, I have way more in common with the presenter here than anyone else featured, and find it funny to see him with all these working class northern types. There were probably a good few situations not shown where he got severely bullied and maybe even almost fought by his subjects, that weren't shown, and I have to give the guy mad props for going down Wigan pier, which is like Mordor for middle class kids like me and him. Although he was kind of undercover, in his new get up.

If you come from the north west of England, this video should make you squeal with recognition, as it definitely did me. Otherwise you will just find the strange sketchy working class English guys funny, but not really get it. I now feel like I have a one up on guys from New York or Tampa, even if it is just silly chav music.

On the note of Blackout Crew, I seriously love this group, even if they do look like the kind of people who would mug you/beat you up for having longish hair.
This is my personal fav, even if "put a donk on it" is their most famous track.



On a final note, this girls birthday party in the documentary shows just how classless northern girls are. Even though some may be attractive, the second they open their mouths it's all gone. This is probably why I developed a fascination with German girls, and I would get depressed whenever I came back from there, normally encountering someone like this girl at the airport. Now skip to 6:20, and feel my pain. It is a pain I still feel, and commonly run into at student house parties. Imagine trying to have a romantic moment with someone with that voice. At some point I will try and follow this up by documenting some hideous English girl voices, and post away. Until then, try and hold your puke back as she talks. Extreme example I know, but gives you a taste.

Well tumultuous last couple of days, shared a joint with my girls actual boyfriend after bumping into him on a run (turns out he lives pretty close), and came clean, no one's really ready for that, so he just kind of cycled off. I did it pretty badly too, afterwards going "errrr...so is that cool?" and giving a dumb thumbs up.
Got a pissed off call from her an hour later, saying "wtf!! Y?!?!? Nvr tlk 2 meh agn!!!" which i wish i had recorded, cos it would make a cool interlude or end of album thing, maybe with static noise in the background or something, like that one by Atmosphere. Then the next day ran into her while walking my dog. Apparently she dreamt she beat me to death and everyone hates her now, and also (probably made up) something about how she had to stop her (now ex) boyfriend from getting a lynch mob together and going all candyman on my ass.

Also got semi fucked up with some friends last night and recreated Blink-182's infamous "What's My Age Again" video with two other guys, through some Lancaster suburbs, causing a very shocked looking car to stop dead in its tracks, almost unsafely fast.......as you probably would. It was a good night!

On Saturday I bid farewell to my varied, subcultural and generally interesting friends to go back to good old monochrome student life, where everyone looks/acts/dresses the fucking same. Swarms of Akercrombe and Fitch, Horizontal stripes, and Topman, and conversation as varied as "shit, that was a tricky lecture" and "ohhhh fuck, I got so smashed last night, I'm so off the rails lolololol". Rarely do they do anything more fun than talk shit and puke though, a fight is probably the most interesting thing students tend to do when drunk. And even then, they're normally shit fights.

Anyhow, people bitch alot about how I shouldn't hate on students, and that (motherfucking plot twist!!!) I am one.

So here are my reasons for eying students with contempt.

1. I've already covered in great detail how everyone seems to have condensed into roughly the same person. My theory is that after having spent teenage years experimenting with various subcultures, scenes and whatnot, they have now decided that, as good middle class kids, middle of the road topshop/topman life is for them (also notice all the black people modeling on the topman website, this is a lie, topman is as racially diverse as the tour de france). Maybe i'm therefore just somewhat imature to remain some kind of hybrid scene/wigger/metal guy, but fucked if i'm gonna start wearing horizontal stripes now!

2. There's a lot of subtle racism. It's extremely subtle, and nothing as bad as the aforemensioned Candyman link, obviously, but still, watch the reaction of a group of tight knit middle class white kids when an indian/asian asks them something. They all look like they're biting lemons. It's actually pretty hilarious.

3. Opinion that anyone who hasn't gone to uni is worthless, and shouldn't be associated with. Again subtle, but there.

4. Fucking facebook! during termtime, almost everyone has display pictures of them, in some club, with 2 or 3 bland friends, looking like they're having an awesome time. Of course, normally when you go out with these groups they are pretty boring, bob along to the music a little, and then occationally one whips out their digital camera, and they pull crazy poses and thumbs up, to create an image of what fun they're having. Said Picture is normally up before the night is even over, via not actually being that drunk.

non of you are getting any tonight

5. The fatness. Despite all loudly talking about going to the gym whenever anyone is near, by the end of year one, thanks to endless cheap bear and kebabs, the muffintop/overhang is as prevalent as ever, and several times during any lecture you can see people learning back to yawn, sending an avalanche of gut plummeting over their tight belt. Stuff You Will Hate's "Sargent D" will now explain further.

5. The knowledge that most likely every girl you meet, no matter how sweet and innocent she seems, is most likely something of a village bicycle who has been fucked every way imaginable in the past week. If she wasn't a hoe before uni, she will be by now. Just roll with it and try not to take anyone too seriously.

6. People like me, cunts who somehow think they're "above it", and cling onto some silly childish subcultural gimmick.....

Here's a cool list of student stereotypes i discovered, It is all 100% true. I'm pretty sure I'm a Night Owl/Sniper.

Anyway, I just discovered this blog got a fucking link to from Metal Inquisition, just as I posted my last embarrassingly "emo-as-shit" post, bad timing sarge! I really need to think of something better to blog about than being a bitter student scene kid.

Big move into new house tomorrow, back to the fucking jaws of Manchester! Last night beach (I use the word loosely) party tonight, hopefully something disasterous/funny/worth blogging about will happen so I can keep up the illusion on here that I have an interesting life! Won't have internet until Monday, so hopefully by then will have some housewarming stories of student debauchery! Piece!

Festival season is OVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!: Part Two: Bloodstock

Its funny how when you're texting/msning a girl that you're, even only slightly interested in, you wait the same amount of time before replying that they did before replying to your last message...generally a little longer, to be safe. They normally do the same, resulting in the exponential growth of reply time, in a game of false dis-interest. Of course...this can make any meetings a fucking nightmare to arrange in time.

So yeah, Bloodstock,...Thanks to good ol Headbang, 5 of us got press passes, so we could hang out in the really quite pleasant press section, with free Monster Energy drinks...predictably resulting in me never sleeping and being even more of a "Bro" than usual...and my girl-with-boyfriend, who I also wrangled a pass, often feeling too sick to fool around. She also woke me up at 6 every morning getting up going to get a shower, but with the Monster, I was ok! Also met dudes from The Rotted (who are like, one of my favorite bands), The Haunted and Municipal Waste, which was chill. Everyone was totally down to earth and just cool to be with...especially Ben from The Rotted, who was already on "s'up" terms with Paul, through several prior interviews. Oh yeah, and I got to interview Equilibrium too.

Me with the Benster

Thanks to me getting CDs that actually work in the Thrash Metal Bandwagon, I was able to put on all sorts of annoying screamo crunk and deathcore on the journey...I like to think our arrival to the site was something like this

Although it was really us spilling out to some perplexed looking dude in a cut off Morbid Angel t shirt.

But yeah, we didn't do as many crazy things as Wacken I guess, just hung out backstage, drank energy drinks, photoed loads of bands, and watched them, which, I guess is what you're meant to do.

It was also a pleasant surprise to see Severed Heaven, this band I played with a while back, on some crappy unsigned stage.

I have a massive thing about the skull of the one with the blue streak...I always notice if a girl has an attractive skull.


As well as the singer from Sabaton's crotchal rip...

The power metal village people

Also, Cradle of Filth had to cut their set short due do one of their guitarists being hospitalised by a Gobstopper....seriously....

Incoming confectionary just out of shot

Although in general the people were quieter and more civil than Wacken (at least in the cararan site we were at). We did at one stage have to endure the noise of 3 middle aged men playing a Metal Hammer "battle metal" (read: shitty themed power metal) compilation from about 4 years ago out of their shitty transit van, basically fucking up the speakers, and not seeming to give a shit that it was skipping and fuzzing all over the shop. Nothing kills a moment with your girl like Dream Evil's "The Book Of Heavy Metal" being blared into your tent like a fuzzy old friend you thought you'd ditched a long time ago. I have no idea where i'm going to be when i'm middle aged, but i really hope its not at a festival with 2 other middle aged male loosers, making everyone hate me by blasting a compilation from a magazine aimed at a much younger demograph, with songs about "being a warrior". This is possibly the most laughable and half arsed attempt at being "down with the kids" that i've probably ever seen, beating anything David Cameron has done in recent years. What made it all the more depressing was how the CD itself was from about 4 years ago, and just about all the bands, and the general scene, have moved on massively. Kill me if this ever happens to me.

One night as well, we decided to venture out of the safety of our nice press pass assured camper van site, to the one for regular paying customers...where bands of people roamed around, awkwardly repeating phrases and memes, and got irritatingly drunk. Being that this wasn't in Germany, there was a massive male/female imbalance, meaning any girl was subject to intense attention from many, many very nerdy guys. At one point we found ourselves in with some extremely annoying Scottish people, who wouldn't shut up about Alestorm, a shitty Scottish pirate metal band (yeah, I know), so being the dickhead I am, told them all that they sucked, which bought some sanity to the group for a while. But we were sick of them anyway, so we stole someones hip flask and left. My girl was pretty much covered in nerds all the time as well, so at one point I had to push in and shout sarcastically "HEY GUYS, WE FOUND A GIRL....AT A METAL FESTIVAL!!!" and proceeded to drag her away. We never returned to this cest-pit.

My interview with Equilibrium was cool, kind of both a success and failure I guess, they had loads of interviews that day, and when I got to them they seemed pretty knacked, and the previous guy interviewing them had a big print out of "questions" and a professional looking microphone rig, so I took a more informal route. I loosened things up at first by chatting in German a bit (that instantly gets people on your side), and then for the interview, instead of doing my pre-arranged questions, I just chatted about, alcohol, food, mainly fish and chips, as well as cheese, and about how strange Bavaria is. Their Bass player also has an extremely, deep husky voice (for a girl), that some German girls have...it's very attractive in an unconventional way. Its a voice that tells you it's about to give you a good rodgering.

Yeah, not really much more to add to this.....it was a not particularly crazy, but still solid few days...............fuck it. Here's one of my demin jacket wearing friends dancing to brokeNCYDE for your amusement and/or horror...


And here's another picture of that glorious crotchal rip, on the singer of Sabaton, who, if I was gay, I would be so on his balls.....

Gay Porn: I'm gonna have to take you back to the station for some "questioning"

I think I might follow this up with a post about "people in bands I have a man-crush on".

Me Now: Fuck Yes!

This morning I woke up, beat off, listened to Hollywood Undead, Necro, and Pantera, and now I'm about to put on some scene gear and get crunk! My girl-with-boyfriend fucked off to some festival yesterday night when we were meant to be meeting without telling me, so today i'm going all out, getting crunk, finding some other girl and broing down. I got a friends birthday party tonight too where we're gonna listen to the new Walls of Jericho album, hardcore dance, and probably listen to Attack Attack! and brokeNCYDE too! Then hit the fuckin town! Fuck yeah, tonight is gonna be sick! No bitch can bring me down!

Any of my 4 confirmed readers reading this, go listen to Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead, then get out there and get the fuck out of your comfort zone! What are your plans for tonight anyway...let me know bros, so tomorrow I can gloat that I had a better night ;)

Festival season is OVVVEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!: Part One, Wacken

And by season, I mean the two festivals i went to, Wacken and Bloodstock, as I didn't have the money or lack of apathy to get my shit in gear and go to Tuska, Download (still gutted about missing Limp Bizkit), Metal Camp, or Hellfest.

If you want to know about the music or any of the boring stuff like that which also happens at metal festivals, look at Headbang, the Bloodstock review will be up shortly, and have lots of nice juicy pictures, as we got a photo pit pass :). This post however, is about the fun shit that comes from getting crunk, the main reason people come to festivals.



It was a good 2 days drive from the Northwest of England to Germany for Wacken, in Jim's fabled "Thrash Metal Bandwagon", a turquoise van that he used to use for his old band "Dead To Sin" and still has their logo and "Real Thrash Metal" written down the side in faded writing. Everyone knew the 6 of us meant business as we drove into the campsite in a beaten up Volkswagen van with this written on the side, all the wimps and posers kept their distance, even Manowar fans looked timid in the presence of the "Real Thrash Metal" Volkswagen van. However, the German security people were apparently neither wimps nor posers, as we were told several times that we had parked in the wrong place and would have to move.

Our infamous mechanic Harry "The mighty" Quinn, looks under the impressive hood of the Thrash Metal Bandwagon in a "Machine Fuckin' Head" T Shirt. You think that's coolant? Its the ubiquitous toxic waste that thrash metal bands always base their artwork on, and acts as fuel for the van.

All was however good, as soon we were set up and making friends, and by pure coincidence a friend from Manchester university arrived and set up next to us with her crew.

So pretty much the whole time there we were drinking beer non stop, hanging out and doing dumb shit, watching awesome bands, I went hardcore dancing, my new era cap managed to stay on all through Machine Head's very violent set much to my glee and surprise (although Jim did drop it in some floored ravioli, so it felt like an empty victory), and I figured out how to play my mp3 player in the van after my mix CDs failed to work in its shitty old CD player, so I still got to listen to brokeNCYDE as well as all the awesome metal I got that week!!!

I would now like to take a paragraph and apologize to the decade beginning 1980, The cities New York and L.A, Kerry King, James Hetfield, That fat singer of Testament, Gary Holt and anyone who has ever worn a denim jacket with patches; I am sorry for playing brokeNCYDE out of a van that says on the side "Real Thrash Metal". I have soiled your ancient (3 decades) tradition with this modern abortion, i have raped your beliefs and values. The only way this could have been any worse is if it had the Warriors of the World cover on the side. Sorry, i really am..........

Appology aside, the combination of brokeNCYDE and the Thrash Metal Bandwagon led to the discovery of possibly the best pickup line ever; "Do you want to listen to brokeNCYDE with me in my friend's van". I had just left a group of people and was in a happily tipsy state, and was about to go to bed when I noticed another group of friends. My unusual attire of vulgar brightly coloured hoodie and shuttershades allowed me to instantly steal centre of attention, and found myself chatting to a cute, although slightly chubby German girl. I dropped the brokeNCYDE/thrash metal bombshell, and within minutes she was polishing my quiver bone in the back of the van, if you catch my drift, all the while with the brokeNCYDE album playing on the speakers. The whole length of the hummer I couldn't help but think of how proud Se7en and Mikl would have been, if only i had this to say to them when I interviewed them. I was literally living the BC13 dream, in fact most of their lyrics spewing from the speakers I could directly relate to in the moment, and there was nothing gay about the fact that while I was getting head in Jim's van all I could think about was a group of effeminate guys with blonde highlights from New Mexico. Midway through someone shouted "Jim, ******'s doing some bird in your van!", to which the reply from Jim's tent was "he better bloody not be!"

The next day I got with another German girl with a mega rack, although unfortunately this time brokeNCYDE played no part in it :/, simply being the only guy in a square mile NOT to worship the fucking ground she walked on. Metal festivals are so full of socially retarded guys and stuck up girls who take advantage of this and get armies of minions following them everywhere, so keeping a fucking level head and just having fun works like no mans buisness.

We also made a sport of jumping off the van using an inflatable couch to catch us, ultimately resulting in it bursting, and a video of one of our number doing it naked. To put this into perspective, this is standing on top of a van in a field full of people, and taking your clothes off...there isn't many more attention gathering ways of getting naked than this, short of actually broadcasting it on TV, or doing internet porn. Weirdest was the fact that he did this with minimal sugestion, and after a moments reflection decided he would "Keep ma socks on".

Me gracefully completing a complex "face-dive" maneuver from the top of the Thrash Metal Bandwagon

Another fun event was when two German girls came around with a beer bong, and more or less raped Harry the Mechanic into swallowing beer rapidly through a tube, resulting in this video, which is probably the closest thing society will come to non nude worksafe hardcore German pornography



As you can probably tell, and I gauged from the situation, the one holding the beer bong was an extreme cock tease, while the one who gulps up the beer seemed like something of a bicycle. Here is an image of the event, and probably the most sexually charged photo on blogspot.

This image is more arousing than over half of the contents of tube8. That's me filming it on my camera by the way.

It wasn't all fun and boobs though, oh no. At one point Harry the mechanic in one of his more violent moods threw several glass bottles at various people including a member of security, resulting in a team of them (well, 2 of them) storming our camp in a quad bike, intimidating the hell out of us with their German accents, (think every second world war film ever) and demanding to see our passports. One of them almost hit me when i shouted at them to " Dude, Chill the fuck out!", which looking back was a stupid thing to do. After the initial storming they got much more friendly, and advised us that if we wanted to start shit, do it in another camp site so they couldn't trace us here. Good advice, but odd coming from a member of security.

I also met this awesome guy called Oli while pissing next to him in a bush, and ended up hanging out with him loads, listening to him talk about how much he wanted to fuck his super hot scene girlfriend back in Baden-Baden. He was a class guy, here is me holding him like the child I never had, and him appreciating the warmth and fartherlyness I offered, while drinking cheap gross German beer like a dummy/pacifyer.

I felt Billy Mays had the kind of fatherly image I should go for, as I cradle my pet scene kid.

Oli, if you read this, me and the guys wana stay in touch! Leme know if you see this and we can hang out again next Wacken!

At the end of the festival I saw this couple of metal heads having the most long goodbye ever next to the remains of our camp.

This was the best one I could get before they noticed me and I started to creep myself out

It was pretty cute to see this presumably fresh romance blossoming amidst the chaos of the last morning, I hope they're still in touch. We kind of ruined the mood slightly, just out of shot is Harry trying to jump start the Van and swearing loudly in a way that only Northern British people can. They paused their mutual affection to behold the curious and most likely alien spectacle of working class Britain jump starting a van that says "Real Thrash Metal" on the side (god, that never gets old). As they finally said goodbye she walked off and he stayed for ages, watching her go, leaning on the barrier of the light behind them. I neglected to tell him that we had been urinating on it since day one, it was obviously one of those moments you don't break for no amount of urine. Had he known, I doubt all the urine in Manchester would have stopped him from having his cool, nonchalantly-leaning-while-watching-your-girl-walk-away moment, popularized by so many romantic comedies, or Romcoms. Hygiene just isn't a priority at times like that. Seeing that made me feel so empty after my week of meaningless decadence, and i began to wish for whatever that guy...leaning on our makeshift urinal...felt right then, looking cool as she walks away, occasionally glancing back and giggleing at him. I began to miss my sort of bootycall back home, even though she has a boyfriend, and whatever twisted interpretation of romance we were scraping together. We will probably never get a moment as intense as the one I witnessed here, but maybe I could try at something,at least enough to make her miss me for a while when we go our separate ways to uni, provided her boyfriend dosn't have me lynched. At least I won't be unknowingly leaning in piss.

All in all, an awesome festival and a cracking week, even with sight fall outs, and Harry the notorious mechanic almost sexually assaulting a drunk girl and getting in a fight with her boyfriend. On the way out, the Thrash Metal Bandwagon broke down on the autobahn, resulting in us having to get out and push the fucker off the road onto the hard shoulder amidst all the traffic, who weren't exactly co-operative. All this with Sabaton still playing, taunting us with gay power metal songs about victory. Apparently the god of Thrash just weren't enough to keep the thing going, or maybe it was just getting us back for defiling it with brokeNCYDE, who knows, only Harry the Mechanic. Anyhow, a short walk for Jim to the nearest petrol station to pick up some diesel, looking like a tit in a luminous yellow coat, and we were on our merry way again.

The sign said diesel, as we waited for Jim to return, unsure we would ever see him again. It definitely felt a lot like the beginning of a new generation horror film, van of metalheads and scene kids braking down in the north of Germany after a festival, to be hacked up one by one.

After that we had an awesome barbeque at one of our number's German girlfriend's house in Hamburg, where the parents absolutely loved me, and I practiced all my German speaking skillz. My charm was so much that we got on great even though I was wearing my infamous "devourment" t-shirt.

We take over a humble suburban German household. On the back it says "She should have said yes". Plus now you know what Billy Mays looks like in a New Era cap and Devourment t-shirt.

It was a relaxing end to the week, and we got to shower each. I thought about trying it on with my friend's girlfriend's cute sister, but in the end was just too tired to bother, maybe next year.

Account of Bloodstock to follow!!!