It's pretty cold in here, but i'll be home soon

First Tuesday in ages haven't hit the town with my altbro from the despised icon post a bit back, which kina sucks, cos we got to the point where we pretty much own this popular scene club in town. Be back after the Christmas holidays and January exams in full force to reclaim our territory, plus there's this scene cutie in there who must be the hottest thing around who i totally need to get with. He's an Illustation of how it might be my altbro drew up, based on the popular video game Pokemon:

Kina insulted he only gave me 20HP, what the fuck am I? A level 2 Rattata?

I especially love how he gave me a fringe and new era cap (with sticker), on top of an existing "meme" image, lotta thought and love :)

Planning on relaunching our band soon as well, as just the two of us, seeing how thanks to the internet, you can actually do pretty well without playing live or apparently even having any albums, so long as you have enough of a "Keut" personal brand going. Just peep J Bigga and Dot Dot Curve and all that stuff, and goddamn Senor Bivins! So long as you have a sick ass myspace, twitter, and some cool merch, and put yourselfs out there as being "fun ass guise who are down 2 party", i'm pretty sure the internet will gobble you up. Be interesting to see if it works for death metal/deathcore though, actually yeah, Disfiguring the Goddess/Big Chocolate pulled it off!

Plus me and him work totally fly together anyway whenever we go out, He's the tough ass serious muscular metalhead in black, and I'm the cutesy playful scene one in happy colours, (its a similar dynamic to Baz and Jeremy on GTA 4's "The Men's Room"), and chicks eat that combo right up, so online should hopefully be no different. Add to that that we can both play guitar to an absolutely fucking wizard level, crack out some sick ass DM vocals, and have a ton of awesome equipment/recording know how, and I think it really could work! Be the death metal dot dot curve!

Also began to write for a new metal blog, Reverse Current, after Headbang died. Yeah, I know metal blogs are like, ubiquitous to the max, and metal fans reviewing metal is pretty boring usually, but at the same time, because of all our industry contacts built up from HB, it means lots of free shit and gigs for me, and even fucking backstage at festivals, so I be doing it! Plus I will never say no to the opportunity to voice my obnoxious opinion. Gonna try and not be as elitist as most metal blogs, and not hate on fucking everything as well, so hopefully that'll make it semi different. Go peep that shit!

Every single metal blog out there, personified

Looking forward to Christmas back home in Lancaster like OMG! Chilling with my uber sarcastic brother and playing PS3 to the max. Maybe my London maltstream girl'l be around and down to hang out. That'd be fucking perfect :D

Wish I had more to say, realized haven't posted here for a while, and so this one was kina forced, and looking back seems to kind of resemble a end of season clip show like the Fresh Prince of Bell Air would often do. Catch ya round.

Set Your Goals covering Lil' Jon

Could this be the most wiggerific song going right now. Me thinks so. Listen to this before you go out and I guarentee you'll be droppin' fools left right and center, and grindin' the finest shorties. As you can see it's from some album called "Punk goes Crunk", also featuring such awesome shizz as Scary Kids Scaring Kids covering Notorious B.I.G, Forever the Sickest Kids covering Men in Black, Lorene Drive playing that sick ass Outkast song, and the Devil Wears Prada song two posts below.

Thy Art Is Murder, and Mysogyny in death metal/deathcore

It's not often i like to plug bands I dig. For one, that's what pretty much everyone on the internet/world seems to be doing, whereas I prefer to do what the remainder of people do, which is sit back and make snarky discouraging comments and attempt to spot the latest emerging trends. I also rarely mention metal on this blog that much either, instead seeming to cover screamo crunk through the irony lens, much like a 17 year old dabbling in homosexuality. So yeah, I admit that simply plugging music you like is boring, nerdy, and stupid.

I haven't actually ever clicked play on this video, I just saw the thumbnail and already was thinking "shut the fuck up you chubby little fuck"!

However, I fucking love Thy Art Is Murder so much I wana bum them all. They play some mad sick technical deathcore, with the sickest breakdowns, some mad shredding, hella tight blastbeats, double bass drums out their anus, FUCKING SLAM RIFFS, pig squeals, pro high and low vocals, and pretty much everything I like about metal and makes me squirm with glee. If I could be in any band right now it would be them (actually, fuck that, it would be Blink 182 so I could actually make some money).



I even ordered their EP, which never arrived, fucking Aussies.

Also found this vid of their best song, "Infinite Death", with the lyrics, holy fuck!

I fuck your daughters
Hack them up
Kill them one by one
The taste of pure slut is all that keeps me here
Lock up your doors
Lock up the sluts
Lock up their cunts

Everything I want I fucking own
My life revolves around fucking possession
Everything that I own I just posses to dismember
They love to watch themselves hacked apart

All their limbs will be removed

Enter the mind of a psychopath
Where girls remain possessions

Do you love what I have done?
Raping just for the fun

Have I lost my mind?
For becoming who I am
Its all your fucking fault
Dumb bitches fuck they don’t understand
This world does not revolve around them

All your limbs will be removed with tedious precision
What’s left is fucking useless but still breathing

Each breath feeds them as they chew flesh

My conscience escapes me when I feel the warm insides of sluts

All your limbs will be removed

I live two separate lives
I’m hiding in disguise
Seek and you’ll fucking find
I live two separate lives
Hidden from their fucking eyes

I hunt in secret
I hunt in silence

I stalk my prey in secret
Watch them waste away

Yeah, I know it's pretty tame for most, Devourment would fucking school these guys on hating chicks, but there's something very innocent and childlike about the hatred that I find quite endearing and can relate to. I can even imagine writing them myself in a low moment, although I'd probably come back the next day and go "fuck! what was I thinking?!" like i normally do. The:

"Have I lost my mind?
For becoming who I am
Its all your fucking fault
Dumb bitches fuck they don’t understand
This world does not revolve around them"

sounds particularly adolescent heartbreak, I can almost Imagine one of them sobbing it into his pillow, while angrily scrawling it onto an A4 notepad. The fact that this probably happened in an Australian accent also makes me lol.

Hating on chicks is pretty entry level, although it's easy to see why it goes hand in hand with metal. There's no need to elaborate on that at all it's so fucking obvious. It's pretty much the metal way to be emo. And while it's easy to mock something like this when all's cool, most of us will often want to turn to this stuff when we get fucked over by some chick.

From about 14-18, like most dudes, i was severely and repeatedly played, probably worst than most, the worst case i can recall right now when a girl i'd already got with invited me to come stay with her in Finland, before ditching me more or less as soon as I was off the plane to go hangout with some other friends, more or less abandoning me there. Luckily I had other friends in the city, so managed to scrape together an ok holiday out of it, but fuck! It's easy to see why I gravitated towards death metal. I remember repeatedly watching this Carnifex video when I got home.



So yeah, as I get older and the balance of social power has shifted, I find myself playing chicks more than vice versa, and have in general grown the fuck up, i guess the whole thing has shifted more into perspective. There's nothing wrong with this kina stuff, It's just extreme heartbreak music, or alternatively good old violence for violence sake, with pornography thrown in for good measure. Apart from on the train today when I was listening to Thy Art Is Murder's "Whore to a Chainsaw" and staring some poor girl down feeling like the most evil twisted mother fucker around. That was just me being hella creepy.

Signs of the rising end: Jakewolf and KikiKannibal

Sick couple of weeks going out too much, not working enough and chilling the fuck out! You know it was a good night when you wake up with a hangover and see a scantily clad scene chick on your computer checking her Facebook and playing The Devil Wears Prada on youtube.

I had no idea TDWP were this generic emo looking, don't think that kina hair's in anymore bro!

Discovered this absolute cuntbag the other day. I remember when I first discovered T Mills (what the fuck is his new haircut btw, I had that when I was seven!), and I thought he seemed like a total douche, yet I still felt a weird kind of affection for him, cos he was so fucking ridiculous and just screamed out "trying too hard!". Anyway, this is Jakewolf, he's like the budget T Mills, with less/crappyer tats, worse production, less of a following, and possibly the worst lyrics in screamo crunk to date. If you have ever noted any screamo crunk lyrics you will realise this is no mean feat, and is tantamount to something like worst fatal car crash, or worst nuclear holocaust. Add the midrange high production and his girly voice makes it really quite an endurance test to listen to.



Oh Yeah, and he has the symbol for the World Health Organisation (or WHO) tattooed on his neck. I've seen some pretty regrettable tats in my time, but this one totally takes the scene biscuit! After a little investigative journalism (posting a question on his youtube comments), a reliable source (a youtube comment poster), informed me that it was because he has Diabetes, and the symbol is on the insulin packets. Now, I understand that we should be thankful for the organisation that, so far, has prevented swine flu, sars, bird flu, and god knows what else ravaging our lands and people (although they are responsible for keeping Jake Wolf alive, which kind of puts them in a morally neutral position), but isn't there a more useful and less future destroying way to show this appreciation? like becoming a doctor, instead of getting a "keut" tat. At least he didn't get one of Wilfred Brimley.

At least Wilford Brimley got some money from being a walking advert for insulin!

On the subject of tattoos/destroying your future, I noticed he has ink on his face, neck and hands, but more or less no where else. All the tattoos are pretty simple and probably didn't cost that much, and likely have other flimsy, hastily thought out reasons of being there. I noticed this recently with scene kids, the current trend seems to be inking up the most visible areas possible, hands, neck, face and whatnot first. I know this little scene dude in Manchester who's just got one hand and his upper chest done, and then there's this guy. It's like its become a race to see who can destroy their future/become unpresentable as quickly as possible for the least money (actually, that kind of sums up all alt culture). If that's true, then Jake Wolf, with his brand of budget screamo crunk and embarrassing cheap tattoos, certainly wins. Hi Five Bro!!!

Obviously though, not everyone views this cunt with the same disdain I do (and seriously, every picture I see, combined with that whiny fucking girl voice, make we wanna deck him something fierce), because he has managed to land himself arguably the most sought after prize in scene world, the hot, yet fucking irritating Kikikannibal.

If you don't know her, she makes shitty fucking jewellery, is a vegetarian, and self centred scene queen. She's also kina hot I guess. For some reason, she also happens to be really famous. I myself, am waiting for her brief spell of beauty to end, and for her to inevitably become just another lonely crazy old cat women, confused and angry about where her status went. I recently tried to watch one of her videos, but just couldn't take it after about 5 seconds, pulled the cat face, and had to go shove forks in my eyes.

The combination of these next level teen scene train wrecks is surely a sign of the coming scene apocalypse. I hope they have kids. Imagine how fucked up they'll make them. The shits gonna hit the fan when T Mills hooks up with Melissa Millionaire(who incidentaly seems much more fun/legit/genuine/probably a better lay than Kiki, also didn't realise that Dani has gauged lobes, which is pretty ace, chick I mentioned at the beginning had them too, turns out they don't smell of cheese).

Irony Update: 11/11/09

Its offial: Today, i begun enjoying the T Mills songs "Rich Girls" and "Girls Gone Wild" non ironically.......the rest still suck though.

When crunk kids arn't getting crunk: xbrokenxheartsxjamzx

edit: Fixed the formatting problem, and also added an extra vid on the end, thanks to a recommendation by Sargent D, cheers brah!

As any affectionardo of Screamo Crunk is aware, all songs of the genre fit squarely into 2 categories; Songs about getting crunk, and songs about having a xbrokenxheartx.

As winter makes its presence known in Manchester, and the nights get longer, the rain gets even more frequent, the sky somehow gets even greyer, I begin too see my own breath when I wake up, my level of apathy goes through the roof. Combine this with the pang of missing my regularly mentioned in this blog girl-in-London (formerly girl-with-boyfriend), who I recently visited, and had one of the best weekends of my life with, and the situation in my course being "shit just got real".

This was me and a small Asian friend of mine, about 2 days ago, on our new assignment

Basically, I'm feeling way too drained to listen to anything as kinetic as death metal or hardcore, and I cba going out and getting crunk most of the time either. This has reduced me to creating several playlists of the crappy songs on screamo crunk releases that you normally skip to get to songs like Freaxxx. So anyhow, here is my pick of screamo crunk songs to lie around feeling sorry for yourself to, based on my past couple of weeks.......


1. Hurry! Lets Go - Mayday Mayday

Sorry to whoever's holiday snaps these are, but this was the only version with lyrics I could find :(

Although it's actually chock full of gay little happy melodies, the rather middle of the road entry level xbrokenxheartx lyrics give it a strange new vibe, which lends a weird, "hey....it just is bro", feeling to it. Basically, it kind of glamorises however shit you feel, making you feel like a character in a film, thus lending you some slight hope, and making you feel slightly cooler at the same time.

2. N!tro - Running Away



Much more standard xbrokenxheartx vibe but this time with N!tro's trademark kooky lyrics ranging from quite clever and relatable to completely fucking silly. This one has such gems as "I wana leave on my Jetski, ride to the ocean so nobody can catch me, and throw my phone in the water so nobody can text me" and "you got me lost like a satellite travelling in another galaxy". Has extra value to me now after going home this weekend, "telling my mum about this shit", and her telling me to "find another girl".

3. brokeNCYDE - I don't know



It's pretty tricky to choose just one brokeNCYDE song, as pre-BC13 they have a seemingly endless supply of shamelessly self pitying songs which pretty much take emo to it's logical conclusion. It's quite surprising that they suddenly stopped respecting women and began to write the feel good crunk anthems we know and love them for. I could have easily chosen any of the others, as they're all pretty much the same. You know you're in a bad place when these lyrics no longer make you cringe. Seems to have some kind of autobiographical value for se7en, with the words "the dopest in rap but couldn't never focus on that, was too distracted by the smoke that was choking his past". Obviously even the most bro-like fun time screamo crunk MCs have issues and dark pasts they try to hide from!! Maybe the "get crunk" lifestyle is all just a show, because he's just been hurt too many times and all he really wants is to settle down and snuggle with his own lil scene love <3.>

4. Blood On The Dance Floor - Designed to Kill

It's been a good while before I've been embarrassed about liking anything, I mean, when you hang out with death metal fans and start reppin' brokeNCYDE and dot dot curve, it's gonna raise some eyebrows, but BOTDF have made me squirm in a way I'd forgotten how. Their flamboyant campness, scene hair, donkish beats, and next level tasteless lyrics make for a very bitter lemon indeed. This is pretty standard BOTDF affair, with a pretty chill chorus of the xbrokenxheartsx variety. It probably makes the list on the merit of being the only BOTDF song I'm aware of which has lyrics going beyond "suck my dick girl", into, ya know, feelings, and stuff.

5. dot dot curve :) - Rocket Ship To The Moon



Like all dot dot curve songs, the words are all a wtf!?! invoking meaningless blurrr of "I'm the sex" and "All you haters can SMB!". However, among their usual chaotic whirl of synth mashing, this song gives me quite a dark vibe, which suits the Manchester winter quite well. I've taken to wapping this on my mp3 player whenever I leave the house in my high-tops.

6. Hollywood Undead - The Diary



I expected freshers week this year to be much like the last, a whirl of parties, nights out, and alcohol, with the added bonus of being a second year. Instead, I slept alot, hung around miserably on facebook, and listened to this song, while missing girl-in-London, and all my friends back home.

7. Breathe Carolina - The Rescue



Breathe Carolina seem like the least creepy, most upstanding group here (exept maybe N!tro). All their songs are actually pretty heartfelt and there rarely seem to make immature references to getting head, so that alone makes them stand out. I just love the "Did we enjoy ourselfs, when we destroyed ourselfs". I'm probably gonna put this on a playlist for getting stoned with bros after a night out sometime.

8. The Medic Droid - The Killer Anna



I've been reppin' this song for wayyy longer than the others, and applied the lyrics to many, many girls I've had a thing with, then lost in the past couple of years. In fact I think this was the beginning of my whole screamo crunk thing, back when I still convinced myself that I only was into it "ironically".

So anyway, there ya go, a selection of jamz to keep you cold during the winter months, and provide an alternative to whatever other terrible music you normally listen too. If you're having trouble taking any of this stuff seriously, I would recommend listening while staring out a window when it's raining, and before long the ridiculousness will be lost, and you'll be applying every song non ironically to your own life and wishing you could "bro down", with Spanky from dot dot curve.

CODA:

This vid on youtube by play radio play also seems to pretty accurately convey what it is to have "scene" heartbreak, after Jennifer Jealousy or Becky Bruta1ity steps on your heart. Watched it the first time the other day and nearly fucking cried, no joke! All the cutesy phases childishly scrawled and the black and white photos of scene kids looking angsty or having "moments" together was just too much! The girl lying down staring hopeless at the silent phone was a particularly bitter pill.

A snapshot of the North of England, and an inadvertantly beautiful metaphore for teenage life.

Watching this video, I can't help get slightly sentimental, and feel a certain connection with where I'm from, in a way similar I imagine to the feeling that Necro may get when he hears about someone getting raped in New York. This felling is not about the girl or the baby, but a huge sense of kinship I feel with the running kid at the beginning of the video (not the fat one holding the phone). His look of wide eyed desperation to see this momentous event, that he can tell his friends "I was there", for years to come. I also relate to his status as "outsider", or "watcher", as he tries to hurtle over his classmates to get a better view, and then get shouted at by some teacher or self appointed "bossy girl" to "give her some room" or some shit. He is neither the girl, nor (not fucking likely) the baby's father. In stead he is just a casual observer, looking for something to talk about, chilling with his early pubescant bros, before school ends and they go to intimidate the general public on a bus/fast food restaurant and then go home to dinner and ultra violent video games. They have no female friends, but the second one of them gets an extremely pedestrian girlfriend, the rest of the group will be wrought with betrayal/jealousy. And here they are, living parallel lives to this girl who is already pregnant at what can't be more than 15. She is the "in" crowd, a main character, a protagonist or antagonist to the dramas that unfolds in and around the school. The boy, and so many like him, the younger me included, are just extras. We watch, and with fascination, even though we know it is very unlikely we will ever get our own "15 minutes of fame". There is just nothing about us worth talking about. We shall probably get our first girlfriend around 16, loose our virginity at 18, too late for anyone to care/congratulate us on/spread rumours about. We just hover around the "In" crowd, letting them explore life first, taking notes, before we experiment ourselves with sex/drugs/fashion. They are the real time Soap Opera, taking place right before our eyes, while we live through tv, film and video games. TV lets us look in on the lives of more "In" crowds, with lives that have a compelling narrative. At around 16 we will probably combine with a group of girls, of similar looks/social standing/lack of charisma/lack of life experience. Together we make a new larger, more diverse mature group, and explore life together, under the radar of the wider social circle. We have good and bad times, romances are born and die, and our old video games lie largely forgotten. We feel that our lives are finally beginning to resemble TV, although no one cares by now, except us. After a few years, our group will explode, as we go to uni, and we will probably grow further and further away from each other. We never had any real connection to each other, even when we thought we were in love with some girl we dated, we just clung together because we had no one else. There is just nothing about us worth talking about.............yet.