Jodie Marshe's anal demon tail tattoo....

This is why i prefer to date European chicks....

Some doozies from my youtube

Exams still be a bitch, and I'm in a total state of cba right now, but whevs.

Displacement activity of the moment was getting a twitter account, which has proved to be surprisingly addictive, seeing as it's pretty much just facebook with nothing but a status. Anyway, it's already proved to be worth it's weight in gold, allowing me to see pictures of Hatebreed's Jamey Jasta at the dentist. ("Hey, dentist, can you just stop what you're doing and photo me, it's for my twitter! Oh, did you know I'm the singer of Hatebreed!?"). Actually, the whole idea of people like Jasta doing normal things like the dentist strikes me as rather bizarre. I guess that's part of the whole "celebrity" thang that makes me interested in watching him at the dentist, if for the general surreality if nothing else. I'd love to see all my favorite members of hardcore bands at the dentist, because that's the kind of thing twitter is all about! Actually, everyone except S.O.D's Dan Lilker. Those strange tiny baby teeth freak me out.


Anyway, I'm on motherfucking twitter!, so follow the shit out of me, so I can tell my friends that I'm "Big In America".

Sleep pattern mega fucked too, after staying up till five last night shooting the shit with yeahyouknowit, keut NYC sceneybopper, contributor to SYWH, and all round general blog BFF! You should follow her on twitter too, cos shes hyperchill (and kina creepy in an awesome way ;) ) - N.B. fuck, how are you meant to close brackets after an emoticon?!

Anyways, this general getting deeper into the murky world of the internet led me to return to my youtube and bring it up to speed with my 2k10 personal brand, and in doing so relive a few pro awesome memories that I'd kina like to share with you.

Firstly, here is my German teacher's dog playing "In The Arm's of Perdition" by Despised Icon in my kitchen. This is why you should never let any alt kid look after your pet, for he WILL make it cover deathcore drums.



Poor old Charlie spends the majority of the time trying not to fall asleep, and captures perfectly that common dog expression of "I'm not sure what's going on here, but here I am..."

"What is this I don't even...!"

Anyways, it's kina long, but check out, if anything, the "GO!" at the beginning, and the sheer confusion on Charlie's face during the end breakdown. I wish it weren't so, but this is actually not the first time scene kids have made helpless animals suffer our terrible music.

Another pretty sick vid was this compilation I made of all the best moments from pornstar Evan Stone's depiction of "Captain Edward Reynolds", from the film "Pirates XXX" (Incidentally, the most expensive porn flick ever made, until the sequel, Pirates II: Stagnetti's revenge). The film is pretty much a total lolfest throughout, thanks mainly to Evan Stone's fantastic overacting, next to the stony faced, glazed over delivery of everyone else. It's unintentionally become a great bro-film that you watch with bros together, and Evan stone is a complete hero/legend to quite a few of my friends now. I think his biggest talent is the ability to put a "y", in almost any word, making it sound fever pitch smug. i.e "Cyock", "Cyanons", "Pyyyirates".

"Evil dosen't stand a chance against these twin hellfire cyyyyanons!"

And finally to top it of, one of my drunk metalhead friends dancing to brokeNCYDE at Wacken. I love it when people get it, and this guy totally got it :) <33333



...by the way, yes, that is me singing along...

Pig Destroyer: Grindcore is Love

I know most of the time most coverage of things on blogs and magazines and sites comes down to slating stuff, and at best, affectionate mockery, but some things are, to me, just beyond fucking with. Case in point, Pig-Fucking-Destroyer.

I love this band with passion way beyond ever fucking with them in the slightest, not that I believe they even have anything that can be fucked with. They are just all round tight as fuck.

While most bands write about silly shit like how little they understand science and how jealous they are of their ex's boyfriend, Pig Destroyer write poetry grade lyrics about life and love and generally get how fucked up you feel down to a tee.

So anyway, peep my essay-like piece for reverse current on pig destroyer and their depiction of love, and while you're there check the awesome new Reverse Current Layout!

Thy Art is Murder: Natural Speakers

Further to my previous post hocking TAIM, I did a similar one on Reverse Current the other day, featuring the most redundant studio report ever, with possibly the most incredible display of charm and charisma ever seen from a death metal band. In this report, "Graz and Sean" tell us that it's "straight up....fast.....and errrrrrrrr, pretty evil".



Like all good speechmakers, they begin by lighting the mood with a joke. The old "oh hi!, didn't see you there!" used by children's TV presenters the world over. Sean is pleased with himself for this, and makes a strange self satisfyed squirming motion, accentuated by a bizarre nod at nothing....


...Before settling into a shit eating grin...

While Graz picks up the pace with his trademark captivating speech voice, already known as the "Obama of Australian deathcore".

I think after Sean says that he plays guitar though he triggers some kind of repressed childhood memory, as he pulls the most evil creepy stare ever, where he looks somewhere between crying and strangling his girlfriend...

He holds this eye contact with the camera for an unsettling amount of time, which gets pretty unnerving after a while.

At about 0:30, Graz makes the mistake of letting Sean speak again, resulting in him dying in the room...

"...and its errrrrr, pretty much just, errrrrr straight up heavy, fast, and errrm, pretty, err, pretty evil"

Graz once again swoops in to save him with his Australian charms, while Sean pauses to think about what he's done...

Unfortunately, not even his best efforts can last in more that 5 seconds of monotonous monosylabic expression, and he soon dies as well, leaving them both with nothing to do but go and escape to the world of Pro Tools...

Well I don't know about you, but that's got me really looking forward to the album!!!!

Teen Hearts singer gets pissy, Bro status revoked untill further notice

As you may know if you follow LATFH, you will have noticed that Kelly, the thick rimmed glasses wearing nerd-hipster thing, has recently made a massive cunt of himself, a la Don Campan on Metal Inquisition, by getting all butthurt about the slightest bit of mockery.

If you don't know Teen Hearts, they play a kind of rather bland innofensive brand of screamo crunk type fair, most likely due to them being more indie hipster than scene kid, and thus trying to be like brokeNCYDE falls kina flat. They arn't paticularly great, ok i guess, but nothing worth getting mega crunk too. Maybe track 3 or 4 on a "Pre-gaming crunk hits" mix CD. Their big thing was they once supported that preening narcissist Jeffery Star at some point.

Matt looks like a total bro, and I'd totally get with Charity if she didn't mind me not being a hipster fgt, but Kelly and Max can fuck right off

What gets me is how seemingly unprepared he was for what was a slight amount of not even that overtly negative mocking. All it was was the embedded video with “We’re basically an adult contemporary version of Brokencyde.”, as the caption, yet thick rims McFucknuts see's this as deeply offensive. I don't get how as an autotuned pop punk band you can go fucking anywhere without being mocked and laughed at round every corner. I mean the world fucking hates it! Yet Kelly seems to have eluded the thick skin everyone else has developed.

Spanky from DDC wouldn't have anything to sing about if it wasn't for the "haters", and ask brokeNCYDE and they'll tell you they couldn't care less, in one way or another. Awesome quote from Mikl when I interviewed them ages ago "It's not that hard to go somewhere else". Crunkcore seems to pretty much revel in the attention of the "haters", almost to the extent where it's like a seal of authenticity. One of the main themes in pretty much everyone's songs from Millionaires to Hollywood Undead is, "Hate on us all you want, we don't give a shit cos we're having fun". Yet Kelly's gone and fucked with the program, and gone and whined like a little bitch.

Also, even though "faggot" has long since been de-classified to generic insult and has no real homophobic stigma, his use of the word Nigger seems kina tasteless. Probably a racist, lets pretend he is so he becomes a more ideal hate figure. A lot of these middle class hipster types are anyway, so it figures. Kina nicely brings me onto an old classic youtube video, which me and a friend recently re-discovered and thought was lol-worthy enough to post.

Kelly's existance is a strong argument for this guy's stance

Found this other video too that goes with it, where some people shout at each other and no agreement is reached, kina seems to be what always ends up happening on American news programmes. You guys seem to have lost the whole "objective relaying of information", thing.

Fox News: Gaining a better understanding of the world's problems by shouting at them.

Of course this is a world away from the sedate, soft spoken news in the UK, where the most emotion we've ever been exposed to is Trevor McDonald's slight hint of a smile, on signing off after his half century career in the news, only to sit depressingly in solitude.

Br00tl Smiles creates autotuned crunkboxcore

I fuckin' love Gears of War, and the Torque bow is like my favorite weapon!

Let it Snow: lolengland, and The Acacia Stain providing epic moments

I was recently hanging out with some bros, sitting on a sofa curled up so my stomach was all folded like a pillow, and my tight All Shall Perish T Shirt had ridden up to a degree where a slight amount of flesh was visable, when one of my friends peeped me and said, "hey, have you put on a little weight over the last year? Sure you used to be skinnier". At that very moment, a terrible, life altering, quite frankly momentous realization hit me. The past year of student diet, general complacency, and exam pre-occupation had made one of my greatest fears become reality; and at that moment, I became a male scene balloon............



With this incredible realization, I knew I had to start running again on the regular, and eating less, to regain the definition I once had, or consign myself to an eventual fate as a Tank.

If you're English, you will have noticed that recently it's been snowy as shit, causing our ill-prepared infrastructure to have all kinds of problems, and society in general to begin to decay like that Jericho show or something, as well as the news having been transformed into a collection of aerial shots of snow, interspersed with the odd old person complaining about slipping over or something.



So anyway, the other day I took to the canal near my house for a run, which had been transformed into a beautiful frozen winter wonderland, with the new Acacia Strain, Continent, on my mp3 player. Midway through, when I was in the fucking zone, and listing to the awesome "JFC" (Jesus Fucking Christ), I felt baddass as anything, powering throught the snow growling "I AM THE END OF THE WORLD!!!" like it was a montage in the hardcore version of Rocky or something. This feeling of hardcore inspired baddassery only built, untill the awesome instrumental "The Behemoth" at the end of the album made me have to pause, check the path both ways, forwards and back, and then start throwing down, mid run...



Only now, upon reflection, being no longer "in the fucking zone", can i begin to imagine how hilarious I looked. Imagine watching a jogger suddenly stop, make sure there's no one about, and suddenly out of the blue start windmilling and throwing moves.......fuck!

Anyway, all the snow's just begun to melt, leading to puddles and mud and shit all over my winter wonderland, which was a bitch when I walked my dog this morning, cos I'd only just cleaned my high-tops!

Studying like a motherfucker as planned, and listening purely to Emmure and The Acacia Strain for inspiration. Also started a new game on Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, which I forgot how awesome it was. This time I'll be sure to collect all the gems and relics, as I never had the patience/methodical boringness to do so when I was 10 or whatever.



As for yeahyouknowit's inquiry to my baldness and its general incompatibility =/= with scene aesthetic, I find that it depends on how I'm dressing. Sometimes I find I look like some kina "NYHC" type bro, or token wigger in deathcore bands


However, it's when I'm dressing slightly more flamboyant [via hightops, silly bright coloured t shirts et al] that thing get a little bit more interesting. I kina look a bit like this guy I saw in some alt porn the other day:



I guess I'll have to wait until after the exams before I can gauge a decent reaction when I start going out again. [via macking on local Manchester scene chicks]

Has anyone else ever begun hxc dancing in the middle of a completely unrelated activity?
Anyone want to recomend me some good jamz for running/working out in general? (anything goes)